Who in your support network gives you a reality check?

self-care
communication
support
#1

As I mentioned in this post: When the substance addiction is gone...have your loved ones been able or struggled to build strong friendships / support?

@erica helped me unpack my husband’s recent relapse a bit and helped me uncover a blindspot. Or in other words, she gave me a reality check. She identified that my husband has recently trended back towards his tendency to isolated himself and that since I have been busy lately with my own commitments this has had a heightened effect on his isolation.

Thus, highlighting the importance on helping him rebuild connections and a healthy practice of socializing. As I write this it sounds totally dorky but this realization was a huge win. And I couldn’t see it because I’m so used to the status quo and the way things have evolved. @erica was able to see things from the outside and help me make a bit of a break through in an area that is feasible to take action / work on or outside of myself - simply to highlight to and guide my husband towards the idea.

This also reminded me how important it is to have someone in our support networks who can give us that compassionate reality check - useful for getting unstuck or to help us avoid catastrophizing.

So I want to know - who in your support network gives you a reality check?

And if you don’t already have someone, who might be fit for the role?

<3

#2

In my situation, I guess the closest person would be her Mom but even that is a stretch. Her Mom has dealt with my fiance’ s addiction longer than I have but now that I’m doing everything, I pretty just keep her in the loop as far as what’s going on. Beyond that, her social life is pretty slim right now so there’s not much to pull from that until she gets an active friend group.

#3

Thanks for sharing @Dean_Acton. I have felt this ‘now that I’m doing everything’.

#4

Ditto to you both, @Dean_Acton and @polly. I find myself in an annoying loop, wishing my mom were still alive to help care for my dad, and then thinking that if she were alive, we might not be in this situation. I can sometimes get myself stuck in the overwhelmed ‘now that I’m doing everything’ feeling!

#5

My sister and husband help give me a reality check!

Like @Dean_Acton mentions above - the feeling of 'now that I’m doing everything" is real, and sometimes I can get myself stuck there.

My sister helps snap me out of it by helping split up ‘responsibility’ as it relates to my dad. And when my husband (who is hands down the most calm, supportive person I know) starts to get visibly irritated by my rants/hypotheses about dad, I recognize that I might be making mountains out of molehills (aka catastrophizing the situation) & am reminded to come back down to earth.