Why am I so depressed every year during the holidays?

alcohol
#1

I suffer year after year from Thanksgiving to New Years. Are there others who struggle with depression during this time of year?

#2

I definitely struggle this time of year, I feel like it’s some type of seasonal depression. Everything is cold and I don’t want to be out of the house. There’s so many expectations and obligations surrounding a time of year I should be happy to participate in but in reality it’s not something I look forward to; it’s the opposite. This year is my first sober holiday season and things got real very fast for me. I choose to be totally abstinent and it got to the point where I was being triggered at work because they had a table full of beers, wine, coolers and hard liquor because they were giving it away in gift baskets for charity. I know I wouldn’t have gotten through that week if I hadn’t have talked with my support system, whatever you’re feeling please don’t feel it alone

xo

#4

Thank you for sharing Angel. Maybe we can help each other through this tough time of year?

#5

I’ve noticed that with my husband, when it’s cold and wintery and when he’s getting strung out it’s better to take a break and not try to tough it out.

At first I thought man he can’t run away as a coping mechanism. But now I realize, this is part of his mental health strategy - when we notice these tells we need to plan a break, ideally into nature, with family, good old friends, or sun. And it works. EVERY TIME. And the sooner the better :slight_smile:

One thing I love about the CRAFT family training (that we use a lot here) is that at its core it is scientific and so it promotes experimentation. The idea is let’s find what has worked in the past and do more of that! OR come up with new ideas to test if the old stuff is not working.

Wondering, has anything been helpful in the past?

Also, I struggle with my own bouts of depression at times and did a bunch of research at one time because I needed to do something to snap out of it, and I found help in the age old truths: exercise, reconnecting with friends / community, and a daily gratitude practice can help - 3 things that went right today, do it every night as you lie in bed before sleep (or write them down) state: what was the thing and why did it go well? These are all proven scientifically to help. Lastly: put a pencil in your mouth which forces you to smile and feel happier :wink: maybe?

So I went into solve mode and I know that’s not what you asked for sorry :blush:

I’m wondering, is it more about expectations of family holidays and things not feeling right at home?

Either way, you’re not alone and I’m sending love.

#6

(headnodx2) @dadpop2007 & @AngelxAnnih thanks both for sharing

#8

@Jane love all these tips! I, too, struggle from bouts of seasonal depression. The cold weather really gets to me. Not only is the temperature drop kinda sucky, but winter also means no rowing practice for me— and rowing on my team is something that combats my mental health struggles in such a huge way.

I’ve really noticed this fall that doing simple little things to make my daily routine more consistent, like going to bed earlier each night, has helped me immensely. If I got to bed earlier, I save not only time, but money! Why? It helps me wake up earlier and have time to make myself coffee and breakfast, and really enjoy letting myself wake up slowly, instead of waking up later, rushing out the door, and spending $10 on breakfast. I end up feeling much more nourished and the guilt of spending goes away~!

I agree with @Jane that exercise and connection with loved ones are two major antidepressants. Being with loved ones can certainly improve our mood, but holding a pencil between your teeth to “force” a smile actually doesn’t make you feel happier:( This is a famous study that got a lot of immediate attention, but it was short lived, as the study’s results didn’t end up replicating when later researchers tried it. Knowing which study results are actually real and which ones are not is tough— we’re in a sort of “replication crisis” right now in psychological research. (Read more about why we can’t trust the pencil study here: https://theeconomyofmeaning.com/2016/08/20/famous-psychology-study-killed-by-replication-does-a-pencil-in-your-mouth-make-you-feel-happy/)

Good news is though, is that there are so many ways to improve your mood! In fact, the research I’m doing in university right now is targeting this very question! I’ll get back to this post if we see any significant results come spring time :slight_smile:

#9

Oh, v interesting about the pencil study!

So holding a pencil between your teeth won’t make you happier, but forcing yourself to “move it” (your body!) might!

This is one of my favorite internet people right now - Alison Faulkner of The Alison Show - and she always celebrates “Move It or Lose It” Monday, with the intention that the fastest way to trigger a change in your emotional state is to change your physical state.

Try to watch her dance videos and not crack a least a little smile or feel inspired to ‘move it’ yourself! :wink:

Interested to hear what comes of your research @ashleykm3!

#7

Holidays are tough @dadpop2007.

Like @AngelxAnnih says, there’s so much expectation around a “holly jolly Christmas” (if you will), and I know that you’ve experienced a lot of loss around the holidays - your friend passing this Thanksgiving most recent, and your Grandmother two years prior. I’m not surprised it’s a dark time for you.

My mom died of lung cancer on Jan 1 almost 4 years ago. Not a great start to the New Year! :grimacing: She had been sick for awhile, but on Christmas Day things suddenly turned and she just wasn’t “with us” anymore.

I, similarly to you, find this month challenging. I know I need to slow myself down, be really open about how I’m feeling with people who care (like you’ve done here! I care! :raising_hand_woman:t4:), and take quiet moments away on the “big days” (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve/Day, New Years Eve/Day) to remember mom & memories of her on those days.

I actually have a hard time going to bed on those days because it’s strange to think of the time continuing to pass… it’s this weird, horribly sad, but also profound sensation.

Anyway, you’re definitely not alone, friend.