Hi everyone!
My boyfriend, who I was living with and in all matters, am pretty much married to, has just gone to rehab for 6 months. We had three nights which we got to talk, connect and plan for the future and decided to stay together and keep our faith. For the first month, I can’t talk to him and then should be getting one phone call per week and maybe a letter. Although, we said goodbyes with I love yous and see you soon, I can’t help but be so anxious about our time apart. Is he going to forget about me? Is he going to find someone else in rehab? Is he going to realize he doesn’t want to be with me? Will me staying these months make him feel trapped with me? I’m also left with having to face thr dysfunction that I caused and how much I let my life disintegrate and the horrible things I said to him out of frustration of his using. I think things will get better when I can talk to him a bit but my word, this is so hard. I am setting up all the support I can but my thoughts are going crazy and I just want him here with me.
Boyfriend is in rehab for 6 months
What is common for spouses is to get pulled into the addicts life and to start forming into what the addict is experiencing. It is easy to forget who we are. If you start going to Al Anon meetings (they can also help with co-dependency and anxiety) and just focusing on making yourself as comfortable as possible, you will find all of those answers that you might have been scared to think about when he was home. When my husband went in, I finally got to give myself the things I couldn’t while my husband was using. I got to build myself up where he would tear me down due to his state of mind. It’s hard and it sucks that no one can give you a magical answer to make it all make sense but it is so worth it for yourself. You won’t have to look over your shoulder every time you get the thought “I deserve more than what I have” and you won’t feel guilty for those moments where you say “I can’t stay in a life like this”. The thing that really helped me get through that time was saying “different isn’t dangerous and everything we already tried landed us here so if I want to feel better we have to try something new” once you see him after the first month, and he finally gets some proper help, you will really be able to see what works and what doesn’t. My husband and I weren’t able to work on us until we got to the point where if we broke up both of us knew we would be ok and that life was still going to move on regardless. Just remember, you WERE breathing before him. You are still breathing now, and most of all both of you are BOTH safe. You both need clarity over comfort and once the space apart doesn’t feel like it is killing you, you will feel better. Just focus on eating, drinking water, sleeping, and showering. Once those tasks feel less like Mount Everest, you will know what activities you need to feel better.
I also got a journal from Walmart. It is pink and the cover says plan, pause, reflect. It helped me process my thoughts and the prompts made it less draining to fill out. Splurging on a fun pen and designated journaling mug really helped keep me motivated on the days it felt impossible to breath.