I’m wondering how common it is to recover from a relationship that includes physical violence on my end. I kicked him out and now feel like the ending is a cheap shot excuse to not even try and I haven’t because I’ve been so busy. He is not my husband and we do not have kids together. It’s been such a struggle from the get go and only been 2.4 years. Is it worth it to try or just move on? I’m so conflicted and weepy. I need input from the CRAFTERS, not laymen.
Can a relationship recover from Physical Violence
@Chrissyctorres
In my opinion, there is no reason for someone to physically hurt another unless they are defending themselves. Period. You need to create your own boundaries in life as to what is acceptable behavior from others and what is not. You also need to determine what the action will be if those boundaries are crossed. This goes for anything in life.
Be true to yourself and don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking your boundaries are unreasonable. They are your boundaries. In some situations you need to communicate these boundaries so the other person has a clear understanding, but when it comes to violence it should be obvious and no explanation should be required. Abusers are manipulating and will say and do things to help them gain control. Add drug or alcohol use to that and it may be heightened. Don’t be a victim.
Best of luck,
Jewelrydiva70
Jacqui
#3
Hi @Chrissyctorres -
Thanks for sharing here and opening up. It takes a lot of courage to look inward and question what’s best moving forward. Be gentle with yourself right now.
From a CRAFT perspective, real change is possible, but it takes time, effort, and willingness—on both sides. A relationship that has included physical violence needs deep healing, accountability, and new patterns of behavior to become truly healthy.
No matter what, your well-being matters. What would a peaceful, fulfilling life look like for you? If staying means ongoing distress, it’s worth asking whether that’s the right path. Distancing yourself to focus on your mental health and well-being doesn’t mean you can’t still care about your loved one or that you’re giving up.
If you do stay in contact, reinforcing healthy communication and nonviolent conflict resolution is key. For example, responding positively when calm conversations happen but disengaging when things escalate.
This relationship doesn’t define you, and no matter what you decide, you deserve a life where you feel secure, respected, and at peace. You’re not alone in this. 
Have you considered signing up for one of our CRAFT programs to get more support?
Hi @Chrissyctorres - how are things going today? Any updates you’re open to sharing?
Do you mean he was physical violent with you, or you were physically violent with him? Just trying to understand better but either way, safety always comes first in a relationship so if either one of you feels unsafe that’s definitely something to address. Not really knowing the severity of the violence, that’s all I can really touch on that.
I can’t tell you if it will be worth it for you. But it was worth it for me. When my husband was in active addiction, I had a hard time finding other wives who stuck with their partners. A lot of them just ended up leaving and I was worried that was my fate, too. The CRAFT perspective definitely helped, especially just learning compassion and opening up to the idea that there’s not one way to recover. Celebrating small wins and progress was huge - being able to have perspective and see how much we had grown when things were starting to feel rough again. Also just shifting our conversations and taking a closer look at how I approached conversations and situations. Just moving from blame and yelling to "Hey, I’m really feeling overwhelmed and could use your help with this, " or “I’m feeling really triggered by these xyz behaviors and feeling scared. Can you help me understand better why xyz might be happening?”
It’s work for everyone, but what I’ve learned through all of this is that eventually at some point in our lives, we’re going to have to look at ourselves and put in the work. The self reflection and growth that came as a direct result of my husband’s addiction has changed who I am and how I treat others around me. It’s made me a better person, wife, mother, and friend. For me, it was worth it. 