Can't turn the feelings back on, anyone experienced this?

mental-health
self-care
detachment
#1

in a relationship 11 years with a narcissist with alcohol and gambling addictions. I am in therapy and I know its time to leave, I am trying to figure out why I haven’t’ and still get the courage to make the plan. However, I just got back from a vacation away from him and I am back and I think it may be easier. I just can’t turn on the emotions with him anymore. I think he broke everything I have inside. Now whether he is drinking or sober watching Netflix with me I just don’t like him anymore.
Sorry for the vent, anyone else feel this way?
Gina

#2

Addiction changes things. My relationship and our lifestyle is very different now with my husband in recovery for almost 4 years. I was told early on to put all our energy on creating the new relationship instead of trying to recreate something from the past.

It makes logical sense to me that maybe creating that new relationship with two people who change a lot through this experience, and have unique experiences of the same period of time, may not be a relationship or person you want to stay with.

I think that’s ok. Doesn’t make it easier. Any kind of change takes effort to make!

Sending :heart:

#3

I’m in a similar place. I’m trying to figure out if I want to stay or go and doing both at the same time is very hard. I know I love him and I know that’s a strength of mine but when I’m low it feels like a weakness. What is helping me now is being at peace about where I’m at. Right now he’s in the home and the focusing on recovery and right now I am focusing on mine which means to me that I have no illusions about his addiction. ( when he tries to flirt with me though it makes me crazy and I feel like it’s just something is doing to get out of trouble. it is hard to be vulnerable and intimate with him and for now that just means we’re not doing that stuff. Part of me just wants to go back and pretend so that we can at least have a good parts of the relationship but I know that’s just my brain playing tricks on me…)

it helps not to be angry and it helps be clear in my expectations clear in my expectations and also to acknowledge how very very hard that can be. I used to think our marriage depended on whether or not he got sober. Now it feels like it’s whether or not I can stay healthy in this relationship. Good luck and know you’re not alone.

#4

I am in a very similar spot. Since I found out about all of these lies, even though it isn’t the first time in our relationship I, I feel different this time around. I love him, but there is something inside holding me back to act how I used to with him in the past. I don’t want to be intimate, he tries to be silly and wrap his arms around me and all I really want is to slide out of them and move away, holding hands and kissing aren’t the same. I just don’t know what is going on inside of my head. I keep wondering if it will ever come back? Or, perhaps it is just a bit buried under the ash of what happened. How long is someone to wait it out and see if you start to feel different? Has anyone else been in this situation and did it get better?