Do all boyfriends cheated on their girlfriends during rehab?

#1

Mine is about to start an IOP because he insists he can detox himself for 5 days to get in. So it is not the impatient rehab set of other stories I have read

#4

Hi @rpvc1990 - How are you doing today?

Like @newnoz said, detoxing is a serious situation, and it’s definitely recommended to have medical supervision, especially if your loved one has not had treatment in the past. In the early days of my husband’s active addiction, he would claim he was stopping on his own, but he couldn’t. He just wasn’t ready yet. He did eventually detox with medical supervision at rehab. Since then he’s had relapses and slips, but was able to detox successfully at home on his own several times using his own prescribed medications.

My husband didn’t cheat on me while he was in rehab, but he did have an affair. This was before he had gone into active addiction, though. I think this type of betrayal is common partly because people with substance use disorder are looking for ways to escape, find instant gratification and euphoria, get that increased dopamine in any way possible. A new relationship is one way to achieve that, and being in rehab they are surrounded by new people who have this unique understanding of what they’re going through. This isn’t an excuse, but being able to forgive and heal our broken relationships does require understanding and compassion on our parts as the hurt loved ones.

While your boyfriend is in treatment, it’s a good time for you to take care of yourself. Really examine your own needs and boundaries, and learn how to effectively communicate them. A successful relationship with someone in recovery requires that both people are willing to work on themselves, let go of expectations, communicate with honesty and compassion, and understand that slips and relapses can and will happen, but that recovery is always possible.

#5

I’m good! I spend most of the day in the beach with friends I’m grieving, though.

Tbh I don’t understand the difference between cheating and having an affair isn’t it the same? Sorry but English is my secondary language and I don’t know if maybe the misunderstanding comes from there.

After have reading all I have, from my perspective this relationship is over. The boundary the social worker recommended me was reestablish contact 45 days after the treatment but, last news I have was that he didn’t go to treatment on 13th last month as he said he would and he did try on 21st last month, unsuccessfully bc he didn’t past the test to get into IOP. After that, I decided to stop asking his family how he was doing bc, I don’t know, if he is gonna actually try and tbh after I read all you guys have gone through, I fell I have to became mother Teresa to be with this guy. Like very much have a huge threshold of compassion and understanding I don’t have, at least to be in a romantic relationship with him. I can’t tolerate being betrayed in anyway, that’s a deal breaker for me and I understand it could be part of the desease but, with or without it I can’t stand that, so I guess I’m not woman material to with an addict in recovery/addict. It is hard to admit my human kindness has limits but, I can’t. I hope with all my heart he gets help and he being able to change his ways and live but, I can’t be by his side along this process,. The uncertainty and the possible betrayal is way too much for me, I have decided if this guy is my love for ever, this guy he would come back to me in the way he should be to have the kind of relationship I want and desire but if not, well he is not my guy. It hurts bad but, he isn’t what I want and need in my life right now and I can’t put myself through all this situation.

#2

Detoxing is a dangerous thing. It depends on the level of the addiction and the body of the addict but it is not a do-it-yourself project.
You can’t make him do or not do anything. Just be prepared to call emergency.
Hugs
Nora

#3

Thanks for the message, I know I can’t make him do anything o not, l think that apply to any voluntary relationship. I’m this case, he only agree to go to IOP after an intervention, in which the social worker that guide us suggested me to step back and only get in contact when he finish his IOP. In my opinion he should have tried to do the detox that the setting provided that was 5 days in Port Saint Lucy, but he insisted he would do the detox tbh himself at home alone.

Since, I took distance I have been reading a lot of what to expect or do; but there is little info about how IOP works. I found the info about cheating in a rehab set and I found it so common that I was wondering if always happens. So far, I know he tried once to arrive to the IOP but I don’t think he was able to get in bc he wasn’t totally “clean”.

He is a polyuser and the last time I saw him a month ago, he was doing Oxy in a “functional” way alternating bupromorfine in between, aderol during week days to go to work “Monday to Friday”, coke here and there, weed almost everyday, nicotine patches and alcohol not in crazy amounts but yes :pensive:

#6

@rpvc1990 - Cheating during rehab is definitely a common occurrence, at least from what we’ve seen through conversations in the Village Community. There are a lot of posts on the topic of infidelity - click here to view.

Was your loved one able to detox and start IOP? How are things going?

#7

Hey @rpvc1990 - sorry I was unclear! Cheating and having an affair are basically the same thing. I meant he didn’t do it while in rehab, but he did before he was in rehab.

Sounds like you’ve been doing some really deep work within yourself to realize how you want your relationship to move forward. I hope you’re able to find peace in your days even through this difficult time!