Feeling super sad about my boyfriend leaving for 90 days. Is it normal to feel this way?

[jessyh12]

Hi there. I really just wanted some input and maybe just some validation on how I’ve been feeling lately. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months right before he left for a sober living for his alcohol addiction. We’ve been inseparable ever since but him suddenly leaving has put me through the worst pain ever. His addiction didn’t affect our relationship that much since he always never had the urge to do it around me but whenever he was left alone, he struggled and would drink a lot. He also had trouble sleeping and would sleep for hours throughout the whole day. He decided to go early August since he’s been struggling with his addiction for some time now even before me. It was for the best for him and I was so proud of him for finally deciding to do it. He’s mentioned multiple times how much he wanted to do it not only for himself but wanted to be sober for me as well and before his plans on future things like marriage. We’re deeply in love so it was heart breaking when he left.

It’s been almost a month now and I got an update that he decided to stay the full 90 days when he originally wanted to stay only 30 days. At first it broke me all over again. I felt like I was healing little by little with him going the 30 days. Because he was going through a change for me, I wanted to do the same so I went on a diet and started exercising more! Started to be more healthier cause my health isn’t the best at this time. Now after hearing about the 90 days, at first I felt devastated for a couple days then I just slowly started accepting it. At times, the sadness and loneliness does get to me. He is my first boyfriend ever. My first everything. I do see a future with him but I also want to protect myself and my feelings. I hate feeling this sad. All my life I’ve been alone and I was comfortable and happy to be alone but it changed when I met him so I have to learn how to be alone again. It sucks and I just wish to be happy again with my boyfriend by my side but I know it’s what’s best for him and I make sure to tell him that. I apologize about this long story haha. I’m glad I found a place to vent at least.

[momentsandlight]

Hey @jessyh12 - I’m glad you found this place, too! How are things going for you today?

To answer your question: Yes, it is completely normal to feel super sad about your boyfriend leaving for 90 days. Of course you are sad! And I’m sure confused, lonely, scared, and (hopefully) hopeful. There is hope! My husband is in recovery and in those early days, when it was all still very new and I was seeing a therapist, she told me: There is always hope. Holding on to those words really helped me.

It also helps to remember that healing isn’t a straight line. Rehab is a really important step, but it doesn’t fix everything overnight. Early recovery involves a lot of healing and learning and falling down and getting back up. Ups and downs, and it will take work from both of you to move forward together - him focusing on his recovery, and you continuing to care for yourself and learning the most effective ways to support him.

You’re already taking steps in the right direction by investing in your own health, which is great! Every little thing you do to take care of yourself makes you stronger, and that strength will help carry you through the lonely days and prepare you for whatever comes next. You’re not alone here!