Finding it hard to navigate post rehab life - Trust, "normalcy", intimacy, mood swings, paranoia

opiates
relationship
recovery

#1

My boyfriend of 3 years went to inpatient rehab 7 months ago for a Fentynal addiction. He agreed to go and was all about the program but his insurance pulled him out of inpatient early and placed him in IOP then PHP. He is now attending AA meetings (sometimes I think he drives there but doesn’t go in) and weekly therapy sessions. He has an attentive support system including me and his family. I am truly struggling to trust him. I am utterly convinced that he is sneaking around to meet dealers as of 2ish weeks ago. I’ve asked him how he is doing and reassured him that we are here to support and not judge and that he can be open with us. We have all asked him for honesty in recovery since we know it is not a linear process. We’ve added that we don’t expect perfection but only honesty and accountability. I’ve been severely worried for about 2 weeks and I asked him yesterday how he was and he got immediately defensive. I am struggling with whether I am “hounding” him or constantly reminding him while he is trying his best or if he is getting defensive out of guilt because of relapse. This is not fair to him or me. I do not know what to do or how to move forward one way or the other. The good days are incredible but the bad days are bad and the defensiveness immediately makes me suspcious and that creates a volitile pattern. Insight is appreciated.


#2

Hi @eng120656 - Thank you for sharing here. It’s great to hear your boyfriend went to rehab and has a supportive network. I think trust is one of the biggest issues that we loved ones have when navigating early recovery and post rehab life. We’ve been hurt and lied to and traumatized from the effects of loving someone in active addiction. It’s hard to trust them again for sure. Here and here are a couple of threads in this space about trust that you might find helpful.

Maybe instead of checking in with your boyfriend so you don’t feel like you’re hounding him, check in with yourself. How are you doing? What are you doing to take care of yourself while he is learning to take care of himself? Understanding your own feelings and fears can help you better communicate them to him.

I’m glad there are good days. Hold on to that truth - there are still good days. I know when I’m finding it hard to trust, I try to just hold on to what I know is true, and that is often the simple things right in front of me. Sending love. :heart:


#3

Checking in with you @eng120656 - how has the last week gone for you and your boyfriend?