My husband is 6 days into a 28day rehab programme. Today (after visiting him earlier) I found out that he unblocked and text an ex hook up during his 3 week binge in early March, she said ‘when did you get married?’ ‘6months ago, had to grown up’ to which she replied ‘Awh thats great and proceeded to ask him questions from when he last knew her (my suspected timeline is 6-7years) - we have been together for 5. I have never had suspicion for cheating and cause to in all our time together. But, this same night and day 1 of the binge, I can see on his phone he googled local escorts in the area.
I wont see him for another 6 days now but the pain is truly unbearable, bizarrely for me- this is hurting more than any of the other binge behaviour. It’s like he has pulverized my heart, and I can’t even confront him about it. I will likely call his counsellor on Tuesday to discuss best course of action, confronting or saying nothing- but this is for his benefit- I have just taken a break from that internal scream cry you have to do when you dont want the kids to hear you cry. I’m also know having thoughts of him cheating on me in Rehab (his is coed) and I will just never know, every fibre of my being is saying cut and run but my heart feels different, I’ve never felt so conflicted or alone, this isn’t really a question, more so a vent before I resume more.silent crying. I understand self care and all that but my brain wont even give me 3 seconds where I dont think of this- I’ve been hurt by the one person who is not supposed to hurt me, and yet cannot be consoled by the one person who is supposed to console me. He has made a mockery of our brand new marriage and life (with binging and with cheating- I do class this as cheating)
Found out he text an ex before rehab
Hi @Clo - How are you doing today? Were you able to talk to his counselor?
Sometimes self care is just that release, that vent, and I’m glad you found this space where you are able to do just that. It’s totally understandable that your mind is spinning, that on top of this substance use disorder that has turned your marriage upside down, now there’s possible infidelity. Trust is broken, and it’s hard to know what’s true and what’s a lie.
In these spinning moments, it can help to ground into something true. A gratitude practice can be helpful - what’s something good you can hang onto? He’s in rehab. He’s getting support. His brain is on the path to healing. And you’ve recognized that you need support, too, and you’ve reached out for it. These are all huge steps.
There is hope. It may not feel like it on days like this, but recovery is possible - your loved one can recover, your marriage can recover, and you can recover from effects that all of it has had on you.
Sending you love!