Have I stopped loving him or is this a phase?


#1

I have been here a few times and explained how I finally walked away last month, I have been busy really trying to take of me for once and it has been feeling good, I have my moments here and there but not like I used to. Now my question is this, so he’s out of sober living and started staying with his Mom but came here last week and wants another chance, I let him stay for 3 days, but I find myself not really loving him like I used to which makes me feel weird, I don’t know if this is a phase or am I finally over him after taking care of my mental health? Has anyone experienced this with a loved one before? I don’t mind being alone anymore and when he tells me he loves me and wants time with me, I don’t know how to respond, I’ve been through so much with this man and I feel like ever since mental therapy, support here, praying and reading about everything we all have gone through with our addict loved ones, like my mind is free from the past pain and other things. When he went to his mom’s a few days ago I was fine, I actually just missed my bed to myself lol, I don’t understand it… I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I don’t know what to say or do, I don’t want him to relapse, he’s asking about coming back home. I don’t think I want it now or full time… Hopefully someone else can help me. I been good doing things for myself for weeks now, enjoying family and friends and hobbies.


#2

@Letty14 I don’t think you’ve stopped loving him and I don’t think it’s a phase, either. I think you’re changing due to all the work you’re putting into yourself and your own health. And when one person in a relationship changes, the relationship changes. That doesn’t necessarily means the relationship ends. But it just means that right now, you’re meant to focus on yourself and he can focus on his recovery. Trust your gut.

That’s a tough position to be in. I would suggest just being as transparent as possible. I know I always want honesty from my loved one when it comes to his feelings, his fears, his challenges. And so I try to give him the same, as well. Own you feelings and communicate from a place of compassion and empathy. You’re both healing.

Please know that you don’t need to know what you want right now. It’s okay to feel confused. Just lean into what is true for you -

Keep doing what you’re doing!


#3

Thank you for your positive words. I tried and found him in other lies. He was kicked out of sober living and didn’t tell me, I found out from someone else, I also found out he relapsed, showed up at my door messed up and in denial of course, I couldn’t do anything but feel bad but I couldn’t let him live here again, since then he has been on and off high at a friend’s house. I seen him again a few days ago and found out he’s been hiding conversations with another woman again since May of this year and when he was here she called his phone, I asked him and he wouldn’t say anything, drove me back mentally to square 1 almost 100 percent but thank God I have been better and stronger mentally and emotionally, I left him, I told him I can’t do this again to myself after I have been working so hard for me finally. He’s staying at family’s house and claiming he doesn’t need help again because it’s Percocet. I don’t have in me anymore to babysit, I been working hard to gain back what I lost. So thankful for God, family and friends who are getting me through it all. I’m not even hurt or broken hearted, just a little pissed off that this happened again with a woman, but concerned with his relapse.