He's dead now and I am learning the other side of him



My husband and soulmate passed away just two months ago and it has been a complete shock to many people, me primarily, because he was the best thing in my life and now he abandoned me. We were working on IVF, he was getting out of military within two month, and we had many plans lined up for the nearest future. He finished rehab treatment in late October 2021 and was getting out of the military late February. In the meantime he already was working another job remotely.
It was one of the days in late in January when he stopped responding to my calls and I felt something was very wrong. He was found dead on the floor by the table he was working his zoom calls from.
Investigation is still ongoing but there was narcotics found(probably cocaine). I could not believe he went back to using, most likely in November, while I was in the house living with him, did not pick up on any behavioral changes. I cannot believe it.
I have just gotten access to his phone and the info is daunting, humiliating and heartbreaking. I am learning about his infidelity with multiple women, as I’m going though IVF. Ugh… I feel defeated and lied to on so many different levels. I am processing this to the best of my abilities, my anger has slightly turning back to grief, as I am trying to understand why he was doing this to me. I know he loved me deeply, but how can you turn around and do this behind my back? Is it to be fully blamed on his altered brain chemistry while on cocaine, or that’s just another addiction I had no idea about-sex addiction?


I read your story. I didn’t want you to go another day thinking no one saw or wasn’t listening. I heard you and my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. You have people here who are willing to talk to you. I am here.