i struggle knowing too. Hoping I can learn to tell the difference.
Sometimes it seems relatively obvious, especially if he’s just used, because he gets smily, slurred speech, dreamy look etc… other times, especially when he’s been awhile without drugs, he gets sketchy, jittery like he’s high, walking in circles, spilling stuff, opening cupboards, packages making food, etc. (he doesn’t live with us, and I don’t give him cash at any time anymore), but I have had an open door policy with all my kids, (and up until recently, i treated him the same.) All my kids (bio and pseudo kids) come visit, raid the fridge, use the washer, shower, spend the night, etc. They all have their own entry code to the front door (the lock texts me “who and when” they came in).
Up until recently, My son with addictions had regularly came over to do laundry, take a shower, watched tv, charged his phone, eat food, etc.
hang out and chat with me if i was home, if not, he cleaned up, packed up his laundry and left
(I recently deactivated his code, because his personality changed.) he’d still come over more randomly, to wash a load of laundry…but it was often horribly grungey clothes, blankets etc. he became negligent, quit showering, would open food and leave it spread about, leave the washer overloaded, with muddy clothes, and fall asleep on the couch grungy and dirty, (or at other times, just leave) defensive or overy apologetic, if i confronted him on the negligence.
Ive been trying to identify if he was under the influence, and just wandered off, or just having withdrawals, and left to look for a high.
I want to talk to him but even sober, he can’t think clearly any more. or at least i assume he’s sober?