About 3 weeks after my girlfriend of a year got out of a 10-day stint in rehab, she called a “break” in our relationship. Says she still loves me and just needs time to work on herself. She said we would still talk, but it’s become complete silence. Is this normal after something like this? I myself am completely sober and have never dated an addict. Up until about two months ago, I didn’t even know she was an addict. Wasn’t until I was out $10,000 and the stories weren’t lining up- did I know. When I found out, I told her I would stand beside her and go through this with her, together. Anyway, only a few days ago did she abruptly call a break. Am I wrong for being a little lost on everything?
How Do I deal with my girlfriend wanting a relationship break after rehab?
Alexus
#2
I recently went through this when my fiancé relapsed after going through an inpatient treatment program. It broke my heart. So yes, I understand how you feel about being lost. He called one day and said he needed a break, but that we were still together and took three months away. He now has almost 7 months sober, which I’m very proud of him for. It is my understanding that this is common when people get out of treatment because it is encouraged that they take care of themselves. It is so difficult. We still have conflict over it because I’m still so hurt. The uncertainty is so difficult to deal with. During that time, I really focused on myself. I spent a lot of time with my friends, took up painting and golf. I did attend some Alanon meetings, but I never found a good fit. I read stuff on this site regularly to see what other people had said. Like you, I was lost. I didn’t understand it at all. I still don’t. My best advice is to take this time to work on making yourself happy. I know it’s difficult because everything feels like it is in limbo. But it’s the only choice you have. And hopefully, she will open up more as she grows in her recovery. I’ll check back on this thread regularly and try to support you. Hang in there.
jnoonan
#3
Thank you for responding. I wasn’t sure how active this community was but as all this is extremely recent, I’d been scouring the internet for answers. First and foremost, I’m sorry to hear you’ve also had to go through such matters. I wouldn’t wish these feelings upon anyone. I feel like such a selfish turd for being upset while in reality, I’m happy that she’s made the choice to better herself. I just didn’t expect her to become a ghost.
I’m assuming your fiance made a return?
Sorry you’re going through this. Not sure if you’ve been able to read through other stories on this site? You may read about others going through the same confusion during and after their loved one’s rehab stay. Truth is, rehab doesn’t necessarily make everything better. It can certainly be helpful, but early recovery (first year or so) is extremely difficult. People with a substance use disorder have been using substances to escape something for so long, and now rehab forces them to face whatever that is head on. It’s extremely difficult, and on top of that, now their brain has to heal from all the damage that drugs have been doing.
I think what @Alexus suggests is super helpful -
When my husband was in rehab and throughout his early recovery (and even beyond), I really learned how to focus on myself, and not just “self care” but really dig into who I was, what I needed, what I was afraid of, all that good stuff. Therapy, Al-Anon, support groups, this community, family, friends, books, podcasts. I learned everything I could about addiction and how to best support someone going through addiction and recovery. Turns out what I thought I knew was completely wrong. But we do the best with what we have at the time. I’m just super thankful for the people who helped me, because they helped me help my husband and my marriage and my family.
any of this resonate? If you have questions about resources, this community is a wealth of them. Just gotta do a little searching and a little asking. 