My partner has relapsed. I have not confronted him about it since I only discovered it late at night while he slept. I found a little bit of what I believe is alcohol in a glass he drinks his rum from.
What do I do? I love him, he won’t get outside help, we have had this conversation many times. I am not sure what to do.
Hi @YasashiiKoeDe - my husband struggled with addiction really badly (cocaine was the worst of them, but alcohol was involved too) while I knew him for about 3 years before he got to the point where he would accept some help. There were definitely times during that time when things got worse and he might have a moment where he said he wanted help but most of the time he was functioning while using. But it never really got much better and eventually he hit a ‘rock bottom’ of sorts and felt enough was enough. I think that was the 3rd time he’d told me he was in a major low and wold accept some help (rehab - in this case) and by that time I was ready to jump on the opportunity.
Calling in his brother and therapist for support - there was no turning back this time!
It’s so hard to admit they’ve lost control and when jobs and livelihoods feel at stake (want to remind everyone that laws are in place to protect people who need to get help for addictions when it comes to keeping jobs etc.)
But I think for years I would try to have this or that conversation with him and it took me a long time to learn to listen to what he was saying for clues as to how to meet him where he was and to help with what he saw as his issue - an overly demanding job and under fulfilling career.
I guess my bottom line is that it takes a long time but can happen. In our case, we’re 3 years post rehab and he’s doing better and better. Though he still needs to learn how to have a healthy moderate relationship with alcohol! The cocaine is for the most part gone.
I wonder if you’d share a bit more detail as to some of the past conversations you’ve had and some of the concerns you have about his use - what’s the harm being caused by it?
That way we might be able to dig a bit more into how to help with some skills and tools!
This is a really important distinction @polly! Listening for what’s ‘underneath’ the addiction (in your husbands case, an overly demanding job & underly fulfilling career) so you can engage and help there, first. V interesting.
Thanks for sharing @YasashiiKoeDe. Sorry to hear about this relapse - I know how discouraging it feels.
Curious, how has this conversation gone in the past? Anything that you’ve said or done in your delivery that feels like it works well? What are some areas for opportunity on your part?
With some more context, maybe we as a Community can help brainstorm new ideas?!