I seem to be able to argue both sides of boundaries and get myself confused about them!
How do you handle setting boundaries?
This is definitely one of the hardest things. I find it’s best to write expectations and consequences out clearly as well as have everyone involved sign it to show they understand. I was never very good about it and wanted give in (aka enable ) so I had someone I could call when I felt myself softening who would give me a reality check.
My big one is no sex if you drink. Period. His excuse for drinking is that he feels I don’t “show him” that I love him… meaning sex. Well I am not sexually attracted at all to him when he drinks so it’s a no! If he drinks every day for a week he does not get any love from me. Boundaries are very hard. I just try to stick to my word.
Such a great idea to write them down. I agree that transparency and collaboration is best and this goes one step beyond just talking openly about it. We all win when we work together and I can see how this would help that collaborative process. How did you find that right person to give you the reality check?
Go to Ala non and learn from others experience the benefits of setting boundaries
I think of boundaries as protection for me, so it helps take the focus away from the other person. One suggestion I gave my loved one for setting his own boundary was to plan a time to go to bed and stick with it. Boundaries that make sense to me have to do with my own health and well-being, not so much about the other person’s behavior. I know that’s just one way of looking at them.