How do you handle setting boundaries?

self-care
boundaries
#1

I seem to be able to argue both sides of boundaries and get myself confused about them!

How do I set a boundary or limit with a loved one in active addiction?
Boundaries and consequences
#2

This is definitely one of the hardest things. I find it’s best to write expectations and consequences out clearly as well as have everyone involved sign it to show they understand. I was never very good about it and wanted give in (aka enable ) so I had someone I could call when I felt myself softening who would give me a reality check.

#7

My big one is no sex if you drink. Period. His excuse for drinking is that he feels I don’t “show him” that I love him… meaning sex. Well I am not sexually attracted at all to him when he drinks so it’s a no! If he drinks every day for a week he does not get any love from me. Boundaries are very hard. I just try to stick to my word.

#3

Such a great idea to write them down. I agree that transparency and collaboration is best and this goes one step beyond just talking openly about it. We all win when we work together and I can see how this would help that collaborative process. How did you find that right person to give you the reality check?

#8

Go to Ala non and learn from others experience the benefits of setting boundaries

#9

I think of boundaries as protection for me, so it helps take the focus away from the other person. One suggestion I gave my loved one for setting his own boundary was to plan a time to go to bed and stick with it. Boundaries that make sense to me have to do with my own health and well-being, not so much about the other person’s behavior. I know that’s just one way of looking at them.