How much do you do for your loved one in recovery, and where do you draw the line?

boundaries
#1

My husband has been struggling lately - majorly stressed out. We finally were able to connect and talk about this over the weekend.

I asked: is there anything I can do to help with the stress?
He said: keep taking care of the household chores that are important and matter (finding a place to live, keeping on top of bills, dinner etc.) and that I am not good at. That’s really helpful.

I have two voices in my head on this. One says this is all good, the communication, being able to ask for help and these are things I can do. The other says, at what point does he take responsibility for his part in these things? And isn’t there something to be said for natural / felt consequences?

How much do you do for your loved one? And where do you draw the line?

#2

I’m not sure of the situation such as is he in the house, what roles he takes on etc. However, you did ask and he answered. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for compromise. If you feel something is overwhelming for you, let him know and ask for assistance from him. Are these things something you would do if he weren’t there? I wouldn’t be concerned with ensuring he has consequences. If he is working at recovery he is feeling it. It takes time to rewire the brain. If you feel he takes advantage then share how you feel. Be a team the best you can but remember you can’t protect him from dealing with lifes up and down moments.
All the best going forward.

#3

Certainly a stressful situation and blessings to you that open communication is starting! Balancing responsibilities of a household are always a push/pull in any relationship. Is there outside maintenance needed?, or other areas where he can help i.e. cooking, food shopping? Would him helping in just one chore work; two chores? What would help you balance your thoughts on the division of chores? What did you do or he do before recovery? As open communication continues, you can open the discussion again and talk about your feelings honestly regarding division of chores.