Hi @Kelligraphy! Thank you for sharing here - I love that you’ve been a part of the community and have found support through the others’ posts. It’s a brave thing to write out your challenges in this space. Vulnerability shows strength. You’re already taking care of yourself in small ways that are actually big ways. 
It’s wonderful to hear that your husband found help and that you’re continuing to pursue help for yourself to better support him, yourself, and your family. It’s a process for sure, but trust that process. Keep going.
You’ve got a lot going on and I hear you, making the time for yourself often seems impossible. My son was a toddler when my husband went to rehab and we were navigating early recovery. It helped me to have family close by to watch our son. My mom had just recently moved out of state, but I asked her to stay with us for a few weeks while my husband was in IOP. Do you have any support, trusted family or friends, who could help in that way?
One practice that really helped me was creating a safe space within my home. An alter of sorts. The house was a mess but I created a small corner that was just for me, where I could sit and tune out all the other noise. It was literally a corner of the floor in the family room, but I cleared it out, got a small table and rug, some pillows and soft lighting, and I made it mine. Mornings are the best time for me - I was never a morning person, and it took a really long time to make a habit of waking up extremely early, but now my morning time is sacred. My mind is clearest in the morning, before all the clutter of to-do’s fill it up, and everyone else is asleep so there’s no one asking me for things. I spend the time journaling, coloring, meditating, reading - whatever I need at the time.
How does this sound to you? Can you identify a time of day and a ritual/activity where you can carve out space just for you?
I also really like this idea of mini-mediations from @Thinkstet - if you really have 0 time within the day, how can you make everyday tasks a time to slow down and find your breath? Click here to view the topic.
Honestly, what helped me was being transparent with my husband about my own struggles and “recovery” and healing process. Being completely transparent with my current mood. Like saying, “Hey, I’m really struggling today with xyz and it’s making me irritable/paranoid/triggered/insert feeling here. It’s something I’m working on and I hope you don’t take it personally.” He’d start to do the same, and we’d find compassion for each other because we knew we were both humans just trying to get through this really tough situation, and we were both doing our best. I also got into the practice of telling him “I’m feeling this and need xyz to help me move forward. This is how you can support me. How can I support you?” Our recoveries become a team effort, and I think my husband appreciated that I showed my vulnerability and weaknesses, that I wasn’t perfect, and that he could be there for me, too. And acknowledging that we can’t be everything to everyone all of the time, and being okay with that.
Also, gratitude lists. All day, every day.
What are your thoughts on all this?
