Hello all. I’m in a fairly newer relationship with a very old friend. We started dating a few months ago and due to some unfortunate circumstances, we now live together. However, we have lived together before and dating other people many many years ago. That being said he came to me recently and admitted he is struggling with a fentanyl addiction and asked if I would go with him to get help as he didn’t want to keep lying to me and he said he genuinely wanted to get sober. We went to see a psychiatrist who specializes in outpatient addiction treatment and he was put on Suboxone and a number of other medications for nausea, muscle spasms, anxiety, something to help him sleep, etc…
During this treatment, he was clean for 8 days. He was pretty much in bed for almost all 8 days and I spent as much time with him as I possibly could. I have 4 kids and a job so I couldn’t be with him 24/7. Even still, during this time he told me his whole story, including how he came to be addicted to fentanyl. He also told me that when I’m home, and my kids are home, he is able to fight his cravings easier and that he couldn’t wait to start our life together and be 100% present for it. It’s also when he first told me he loved me.
Moving forward to day 9, and he was feeling better. Barely taking any Suboxone or the other meds and since he owns his own maintenance business, he decided to pick up a job and try to make some money. When he came home later that day, I found him nodded out in his truck in the driveway. I’m not even sure how long he was out there. When I asked him was happened he reluctantly admitted that he went straight from the job to the dealer and he stayed in the truck because he was too ashamed to face me… This was 2 days before Christmas… The day after Christmas was the day he asked me to take him to a rehab center… Which honestly one of the best and hardest things I have ever done. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel and I just feel so torn. I’m feeling mad that he omitted his addiction when we started dating. I sad that he relapsed after 8 whole days. I even more sad that I’m laying in our bed without him. I’m proud of him for admitting it’s a problem and seeking treatment. I’m happy that the center he is at will be including me in his recovery program. But I’m overwhelmed by taking over all the responsibilities he’s is unable to take care of while he is in there on top of my own responsibilities. I already suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and depression and I just don’t think I’m going to be mentally and emotionally okay by the time he finishes his program. Will I tell him that? Absolutely not! Because he is a good man and would never prioritize himself over me no matter what even though in order to fight his addiction he needs to prioritize himself. So for that reason I just bottle all of this up and don’t t let him know how much I’m emotionally struggling without him. Because as much as I want him here… As much as I would love to get in his arms right now… I know that the recovery center is exactly where he needs to be.