How to move forward from infedelitiy

rehab
infidelity
#1

Hey All,

I’ve been married for 14 years. My husband has been in 4 treatment facilities and we have 3 kids all teenage. He has been unfaithful now 4 times. All actively using.

The last rehab he went to, he didn’t even focus on his recovery. He focused on having sex and forgetting about his family. I told him I wanted to separate and work on ourselves and then work together and he took that as I am throwing him away.

He left rehab and started a fling with another women, another addict. I tried controlling it and telling her we are still very much married but she didn’t care. One day I pinged his phone and drove and got him. Come to find out they weren’t staying sober or practicing recovery by any means. He was drinking (drug of choice) and Doug. Cocaine with her (her drug of choice)

He is now home and working hard on his steps. And trying and doing marriage counseling and says he feels sick about what he did. I have so many reservations. Anyone experience this? Anyone make it work and see the light at the end of the tunnel? Anyone try and it still didn’t work?

Any words will help

#2

Hi @Anelson0524,
Yes, I’ve been able to work it out with my husband after he had an affair. My story is a little bit different than yours - he only had one affair and it wasn’t during rehab. But whether they’re using or not, in rehab or not, infidelity is something that is extremely difficult to work through as a couple. There is hope, though.

The only thing I can think of to tell you is to not compare your marriage to other marriages, don’t listen to what other people might say or imply you should be doing in your relationship, don’t think that there is supposed to be a certain way that a marriage should look. Only you can know what is right for you and your relationship. And more than anything, I learned that building back trust involved a lot more of me learning how to trust myself than him earning back my trust.

Sending you lots of love.

#3

I feel for you so deeply right now the struggle is real …My husband has also relapsed and is actively using I am struggling I may have a light at the end of the tunnel he has agreed to do outpatient rehab therapy although I have heard this before … Keeping up hope that he will … He has cheated we are still together currently but just remember he wasn’t your husband at the time it happened and agreed with the above statement nobody understands more than that it’s a disease seek help for your self too not just as a couple I recommend also reading a book called Loving an addict loving yourself by Candace Plattor I could t out it down and has given me a lot of insight
Stay strong as I am trying too as well if he is remorseful than try your best to forgive I know it’s very tough