How to support what feels a endless cycle of recovery with relapse - does it ever get better?



It’s been a while since I posted on here and after reviewing my previous posts, I’m not sure we have come much further… my husband continues to express a desire to quit drinking but often unable to achieve this so tries drinking in moderation. This ultimately leads to a eventuate blow out where he loses full control of his drinking. Unfortunately his drinking just gets him every time. We are in this endless cycle of him attempting to quite drinking but he can barely get past 7 days without hitting the bottle again. It starts off a few and then a few days letter he has a blow out and we’re back at square one. When we hit square one he experiences severe depression, hopelessness, helplessness, anxiety qnd sometimes even become suicidal.
He has sought help and felt he was treated like a number and statistic. He has really struggled to engaged with the community team since. He has been prescribed antidepressants but for him they’re not working cast enough. He starts some personal training this week and I quietly have high hopes for it. He knows when he feels healthier and lighter (weight) he feels so much better about himself.
I’m so worried that because we don’t seem to get past just over a week that he is giving up. I dont know what I can to say to help him because in all honestly I’m struggling to hold onto hope that things could be better. What else can I do? Will it actually get better? We’ve been on this path / journey for at least the last 8 years. I’m still here. I still love him but I’m not sure I know what else to do and our life is passing by us while we constantly navigate addiction and recovery.


Dear @Vetti-
You sound like you’re very concerned about your S/O, and for good reason. Can you attend an Al-anon meeting to get support from others who have been challenged like this as well? (That’s a start locally.) Can you take the WetheVillage Course for a few months to bolster up your communications and confirm your boundaries? (That’s a start from the comfort of home.) Your person has a big project to undertake and you do, too. I have done every possible thing to help my person; given loads of support, worried more than they ever worried for themselves, fixed $%^&* that wasn’t even broken! So… I took the Course and learned how to stay in my lane and improve myself and how to convey my love and concern for my person. Although he started out wanting to do a moderation bit- he found that ultimately it was too much to manage- so he chose to stop drinking completely. Believe me… if I had gone in all guns ablazin’ about anything, I don’t know what would have happened… ultimately- it was his decision to get straight and a lot of that happened when I stopped carrying his load, even though I never stopped carrying him in my heart. Good luck, @Vetti. I hope you find peace. :four_leaf_clover::bird:


An alcaholic.never can drink in There Always in Recovery.for life.So if your in your in.If its too much on your mental health.Get out.Its that simple.


Hi @Vetti - it sounds like your husband wants to change, and that’s a huge step toward recovery. Unfortunately, there is no set timeline for how long it takes for someone to fully recover. I’m not even sure that “full recovery” is even a thing. All of us, whether struggling with addiction or not, are constantly healing and growing and slipping and getting back up.

These are wonderful suggestions from @Thinkstet. Finding your own community of people who can relate to this struggle is very helpful when you’re starting to lose hope. You can find strength and hope in other people’s experiences. There is always hope.

I think it’s progress if someone makes the decision to cut back on their drug or alcohol use. Whether or not moderation is possible depends on each individual. Every person, every recovery is different. But the awareness and recognition of a problem to then decide to moderate drinking - that’s progress, and should not be ignored.

Wishing you the best, @Vetti. I know it’s been a while since you posted this, but if you’re still checking in with this community, please keep us updated on how you’re doing. You’re not alone.