Husband got into relationship with younger girl & I struggle with the thought of him with her. Any tips on how to manage my thoughts?

mental-health
self-care
infidelity
#1

Any tips on when the negative thoughts creep into our heads of my husband and the situation we’re in etc.?

#2

Hey @Fraser. Just checking in here. :slightly_smiling_face: How are you doing or feeling since you posted last week?

#3

Hi Katie,
I’m in a better place at the moment. After lots of reading and support groups I’ve started to understand that I’ve done nothing wrong, if anything I’m too good for him. He can’t give me what I need. I’ve pyt the boundaries in place, stating in my lane etc. So the easiest thing to do is throw himself into another relationship to fill the void.
She enables him to feel good about himself etc, it’s a great distraction, hopefully one day he’ll realise what he’s lost.
I’m the meantime I’m getting on with my life and making it happier and more positive.
Thank you for checking up on me

Fraser xxx

#5

Hey @Fraser, glad to hear you’re engaging in self-care at the moment! To answer your question on how to manage your thoughts, I’m going to provide you with an exercise for identifying and countering negative thoughts or self-talk.

  1. Notice. Be mindful of the fact that you are experiencing negative thoughts.
  2. Stop and ask yourself any or all of the following questions:
    What am I telling myself that is making me feel this way?
    Do I really want to do this to myself?
    Do I really want to stay upset?
    If this alone is too much, take some time to acknowledge and express your feelings or thoughts. If there isn’t a person to share with, then try writing them down, and once you’ve settled a bit, move on to the next steps.
  3. Relax and disrupt your train of negative thoughts by taking some deep belly breaths (see this post for how-to). The point here is to let go, slow yourself down, and relax. Because negative self-talk is so automatic and quick it’s hard to interrupt unless you slow down.
  4. Write down the negative thoughts, self-talk, or dialogue that led to you to feel the way you feel. One tip is to write down just the feelings you experienced, and then look at the thoughts that led to them.
  5. Counter, answer, or dispute your negative self-talk with positive, rational, self-supportive statements. For every negative thought you’ve written down, try to write down an opposing positive statement.

Please ‘comment’ below so we can continue this dialogue, @Fraser . I’m here & happy to help!

A note from Village :love_letter: : Our Coaches are trained in the leading evidence-based methods. If you’re interested to learn more about Coach Erica, click here. If you’re interested in going a bit deeper click here to book a one-on-one call with me.

#4

You’re welcome! Really glad to hear you’re taking care of you as first priority right now! :tada: Thanks for the update!