Husband just entered rehab. How do I do this?

self-care
alcohol
rehab
#1

Husband just entered rehab for alcohol addiction on Tuesday. We had been fighting since Sunday, a lot of it stems from his addiction. He hasn’t been working in over a month, been hateful, not up to do anything.

I got off of a 10 hour day and he randomly at 11pm wanted me to take him to get detoxed. Whole way there he yelled, fussed at me…I drop him off. I’m saddened that he is going through this. I miss him. I’m also upset because he is taking everything out on me it feels. I can’t say anything because I don’t want to add stress on him. I have no support. I have no one to talk too. I feel like his punching bag…all I try to do is support him. I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat, can’t sleep. I’m struggling…

Being supportive while your husband is in rehab while processing all of the feelings and resentment
#2

@Brookie91
This is not your fault. He is where he needs to be right now. You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to support his recovery when he comes home. Take this time alone to reflect on life and what you can do to make your life happier. I know you love him, but don’t allow yourself to be abused… whether it is verbally, emotionally, or physical, it all hurts and you don’t deserve it. Stay strong and remember you are not alone, you have a village.

Jewelrydiva70

#3

A few days have passed since your post and I hope you are feeling better. I know when I could not eat or sleep due to my husband’s addiction struggles and lies I tried to at least drink a smoothie . . .it wasn’t always easy but it was something. I like what @jewelrydiva70 said about reflecting and making your life happier. Please know that you are not alone.

#4

Thank you, I make sure to atleast sip on water. We have 5 kids between the two of us. He is just being so mean, I know he is struggling and I can’t imagine what he is going through. He pretty much told me he was going to leave me last night and that I’m not supportive and I only care about myself. I’m working my butt off between all the kids, work, trying to keep us afloat since he hadn’t work in a month. His mom is here helping…he is being ugly to her too. I just don’t know what to do, wanting to find the light at the end of all this…

#5

Hey @Brookie91 - it’s a lot to go through the tumultuous time of initial detox and addressing alcoholism. It takes a while for everyone to recognize and reflect on the underlying causes that have created the obsession. With five kids to care for it’s a lot of energy. Nice that your mother in law is helping. That can be a good source of strength.

How long will he be in rehab? Have you gone to an Alanon meeting? I have found them to be helpful for the hardest times when I can’t talk about it to my children or family, but need to be around the hopefulness within those circles. Remember- you didn’t create this, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. You CAN take care of yourself, remember that people do recover/ go into remission with this, and this is probably the uncomfortable time that you will get through and a more peaceful abundant life awaits once your person has made peace with these compulsions. I’m glad you’re here.

#6

Hi @Brookie91 - I’m glad you found this space. Like @jewelrydiva70 said - you have a village here of people who have been in similar situations. These early days of recovery can be the toughest, with so much wrapped up in the unknown. Having support from his mom is huge, what a blessing.

Take it one day, one moment at a time. It’s a long road ahead, and focusing on the light at the end might make you go crazy. Focus on the light in the present moment. What can you be grateful for right now? He is getting help. You have support from his mother. You have found a space to release your feelings here, no judgments.

Thanks @sky for the reminder to nourish during these tough times. It can be easy to forget, and it’s such a simple act of self care.

One thing that our Village founder @Jane likes to say - Remember, the light at the end of the tunnel may be you. :flashlight::sparkles::hugs:

#7

I hope things are going okay for you :heart: This sounds like a familiar story, not too far off some things I’ve experienced with my husband… I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said, I just wanted to share something that has helped me quite a bit - reminding myself in the moment when he’s acting like Mr. Hyde that it’s not him speaking to me, it’s his addiction speaking to me. It may be a small thing, but when Dr. Jekyll inevitably reappears, it makes it much easier to communicate with him & work through this. We’re not perfect by any means, but we’re consistently growing - as individuals & as a couple. Wishing you all the best!

#8

Yay! Literary Allusions! I Thanks, @va.ra - unfortunately, I can only conjure the Looney Tunes Version these days. I get your point. I like most what you had to say about not being perfect, but growing perfectly, nevertheless.

bugs

#9

@Brookie91 - It’s been almost 2 weeks. How are you doing? Update us if you can. It seemed you had a lot of thoughts and we’re interested to hear them.