Hello, my husband got sober for 6 years after 10 years of hellish drama. 2 years ago he started drinking again. It’s so sad and really messing with my head, worrying that he may never quit again. A year ago we moved in with my dad to help him stay in his home, but my husbands drinking is affecting my dad as well – he’s 92 years old. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve started going to AlAnon and that has been good, but it’s a struggle at home – suggestions?
Husband started drinking again after 6 years sober. Looking for suggestions?
erica
#2
Hey @Barb_Sugrue, thanks for the question, this is one of the unfortunate realities we face when our loved one’s struggle with substance use. The good news: He had 6 years sober - that is evidence that he has the capability to get back there, or close to that place again.
It’s great to hear that you’re getting out and trying meetings, as well as reaching out here! I can imagine you are dealing with a lot right now, so I’ll start by emphasizing the importance of making sure you are okay. The quality of support you can give to your husband and father depends on the quality of life you are experiencing for yourself. In addition your well being and quality of life improving can set an example for your husband.
If you feel comfortable, it would be helpful to share some more details about your husbands alcohol use, and what was going on two years ago that precipitated his return to alcohol. In addition, how did he get sober for 6 years? If that worked it may be worth looking into again, and if you want to find a new way we’re here to help you experiment.
A few words of encouragement:
- You can be an ally in encouraging positive change in your husband - your role is important (opposite of addiction is connection)
- Change is possible: with time and support, the brain can heal
- Evidenced based options as treatment exist (we emphasis CRAFT here at Village)
- Different people need different options: not one size fits all
Hope this provides a bit of help, you can always message me if you’d like to talk specifics! Has anyone out there had a similar experience: loved one get’s sober for a long period of time then returns to substance use?
A note from the Village
: Our Coaches are CRAFT certified and uniquely expert in training families to face addiction and get through recovery together. If you are interested in additional support, check out our online CRAFT programs at wethevillage.co.
Jane
#3
Here for you @Barb_Sugrue my brother began using heroin again after 10 years clean and it took our whole family on a pretty devastating and traumatic journey for a couple years. We’re now back on stable ground a bit more but it’s always a bit hard to tell. Have you been able to talk to him about things in some sober moments?
I’m also interested- what was the trigger?
For my brother it was actually attaining some success and then having idle hands.
Sending <3
polly
#4
My husband is 3 years into recovery from cocaine addiction and recently had a slip up. Thankfully this time he didn’t get pulled back into the depths but it’s always in the back of my mind that this could happen any time or year in our lives together. Though of course I hope it won’t!
Are there any other friends or family you could surround you and your husband with for support? Are there activities/hobbies he likes without drinking that some friends or family could book in with him? The more social connection and rewarding healthy activities the better to begin re-training away from substance use. Any way to get into nature or get grounded?
Sending all the love to you - maybe a weekend away or some self care and social activities for you too. To help keep you on solid ground regardless of where he’s at <3