Please help, I left my husband 5 months ago as a temporary measure. I hoped he would attempt to stop his 30 year cocaine addiction.
Instead he’s used more and more and is now with a girl 21 years his junior and doing cocaine and partying etc? I’m in total devastation and shock why has he done this. Is it because it’s the easy. Is it the option?
Thanks Hannah
Thanks for sharing @Fraser I know this is not an easy topic to confront or understand. My husband’s addiction was cocaine and it definitely comes hand-in-hand with porn/sex type addiction behavior - that’s a fact. More to that - now that my husband is not on cocaine daily re-learning what a sex life might be like is also challenging (hoorah! ugh!).
When driven by addiction for sure it’s the spontaneous, shiny and easy options that win 100%.
It’s actually because their rational / reasoning and decision making part of the brain is impaired #science.
Anyway, is there anyone right now who has influence over his behavior, health and wellbeing? Anyone who he might listen to?
I recommend tapping into a parent (a mom?) or logical friend who can step in to offer him some counsel. We’re happy to help them get ready to get involved here <3
And please take extra special care of yourself right now. I know this is a big storm to weather. Do you have people in your corner who can step up their support of you?
Thanks for your reply Polly.
He’s shutting everyone out that is trying to reason with him.
I’d like to think he still loves me and that she’s just a distraction and it’s just sex. He always promised to tell myself and the children if he did get involved with someone else. I can’t understand why he’s not told us. My only reasoning is that in his eyes it’s not a relationship it’s just seeing each other.
I’ve got great support thank you, just need to concentrate on me.
Many thanks Hannah
So glad to hear you have great support 
I’m sure he’s ashamed, he’s not in control right now unfortunately.
I would keep asking his support network to stay engaged. Just keep showing you’re all there for him and love him and know he is hurting and struggling and are there to talk when he’s ready. Or go do an activity he loves or used to love - a comedy show, a movie, a trip to the beach. Something to get back in touch with reality.
Keep trying (speaking of you or others if that’s more useful right now) there will be a window. He will likely be feeling some harm from his use and it’s just scary to acknowledge that control has been lost.
Right before a relapse was coming my bf would try and push me away, he’d say we needed a break or something like that-so I always knew. He would end up talking to other girls and things like that. He told me once he got clean after it happened the first time that it wasn’t because he didn’t love me, or that he didn’t want to be with me, or even that he wanted to be with someone else. He was doing that because he wanted someone to talk to who was essentially going to “co-sign” his behavior and not argue with him about his bad decisions. Once that girl realized what was happening and tried to talk to him about his wellbeing and his drug use-he’d stop talking to her.
Like you said, it could be that it isn’t a relationship-my guess is that it isn’t. He wants someone to talk to and hangout with him who isn’t nagging him about stopping and who maybe even partakes in it.
I know that doesn’t make it feel any less like betrayal or anything like that, but I hope it helps a little.
It does help thank you, she does do cocaine and I’m sure that’s one of the reasons s he’s with her as she makes him feel it’s totally normal to do so.
Learning to love myself and move in is hard, why should I feel not good enough!!
I hope deep down he is aware of what he’s doing.
Many thanks for replying to me