Over the last many years I have tried to help my husband manage stress but every effort I made seemed to send him further away. I finally helped him to see he needed rehab and he has been doing strictly IOP for 60+ days. At first, I felt he was managing better and talking to me more, which was really what I have always wanted. But these last two weeks I feel back to where we were. I ask him a question, it bothers him and he stonewalls me. I felt so alone for many years and I feel like the path is turning that way again…. I am afraid if he can’t talk to me we will never move on. He has been mentioning to me more a girl in his group when he does speak. Him and a few guys and her are all in a chat. He has also mentioned wanting to see them more, but I worry it’s him wanting to see her more. I feel that anyone in rehab knows more of his fears and thoughts than I do. I want to be supportive but I am afraid there is more or will be more to their relationship. Has anyone dealt with these thoughts before?
I feel like my relationship is getting worse again, my husband is 60 days sober…
Hi @islandgirl - thank you for posting here and welcome to the We The Village community! That is great to hear that your husband has gotten help through IOP. What a huge step forward.
Sixty days sober is an amazing accomplishment. It’s also very early on in his recovery. Your husband’s brain and body are still healing from the effects that substance use has had on him, and the healing process takes time. In addition, he’s probably going through a lot just looking back at his past, figuring out the cause of his behaviors, and so much more. It’s a lot to take on, and being able to communicate all of that isn’t always possible - especially when he’s still trying to figure it all out for himself.
Please be patient with your husband and in the meantime, take care of yourself. Have you found support for yourself while he’s been focusing on himself? Finding this community is a great first step. Individual therapy for yourself might also help, so you can talk through your fears and concerns for your relationship and better communicate them to him. Does the treatment center where he does IOP offer family counseling? Have you considered couples therapy?
Right now, they might. What I’ve learned through loving someone with SUD is that I can’t be everything to him. I can’t listen and talk to him about SUD the way someone who has been through it can. And I’ve learned to not take that personally. If your husband can’t talk to you about his recovery, please just know that the fact he’s able to talk to someone about it is a good thing. That community he has is important right now. As far as the woman in his group goes… please don’t let the narrative in your head take you away. Stay grounded in what you know is true: your husband is clean, he’s getting help, and you’re both moving forward.
Thank you so much for your response. I have been in therapy since he has been in recovery, and it has helped me a lot. I am trying to let things be and accept it for what it is now and try to repair our relationship. Your advice about it being ok that he is getting help helps me. It’s hard not to worry though. Like impossible for me almost!