Intro to the village


#1

Hello my name is Janice . My fiancé is currently in rehab due to an on going Alcohol abuse. He managed to be functional and work a great full time job which disguised how bad things got with his use. He has never drank around me out of the 5 years I’ve know him so everything came as a surprise. Things changed for us prior to him going into rehab I found out from used cocaine on one occasion and was spending money on strippers and pornography. This was a shock because it was totally opposite of the lifestyle that he lives. It’s as if he’s a totally different person when he’s intoxicated. I called off our wedding and suggested he go get help for himself. He resisted but He ended up making the decision on his own to go. He is currently in a inpatient program and has been away for almost 2 months. I’m proud of him but I’m also scared of the uncertainty of him relapsing or just going through the motions just to get through rehab. I’m not familiar with the rehab process or what he learns in the program. I’m honestly scared. I love him and miss him but I don’t know what the outcome will be from rehab or our relationship. I know the rode to recovery is a lifetime and I’ve let him know I have his back and want to stick with him for the long haul . I just need advice on how to navigate through this. Coming from someone has never drank or touched drugs this is tough. It’s also tough because I’ve never seen his addictive behavior in action I’ve only had to deal with the lies and covering up of his addiction.


#2

Hello! I went through something very similar to you. Most of the time we don’t know that someone is going through an addiction until they start acting out on it. Your fiancé is a doing a GREAT thing by voluntarily going in and getting help. Most addicts REFUSE help. Rehab isn’t just some happy school that they go to. It’s hard and it’s tough. For him to check himself in and better himself for you and your guy’s future is the first step to recovery! It’s going to be long and hard but you both seem like you are making very wise choices!! I know it feels long and frustrating, trust me it is. But there is no better feeling than being there to support and see your loved one recovering :heartpulse:


#4

Hi Janice- in a very similar situation to you. How is it going eight months later?


#3

Thanks so much for response and encouragement! I haven’t been able to people in my everyday life about this so I’m glad I joined the site.


#5

Hi LLN,

He has shut down and recently relapsed. He claims he working on his recovery journey but does not attend meetings or do anything recovery related. My heart is broken and I feel emotionally neglected. He pushes everyone away. Not sure of the next steps. I hope you and your S/O can work through it at this point the continual rejection has burnt me out. I send him things recovery related he watches it sometimes but he has days that I don’t even get a chance to talk to him because he’s pushed me away.


#6

Hi Janice,

I’m sorry to hear that. It is truly an exhausting cycle and I’ve been there before. I know it sounds like a broken record, but take care of yourself. His treatment center had an interesting family lecture and suggested families forming a care plan, just as the patient is doing. This includes taking care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. They also mentioned actively talking about your plan ( and maybe how you attended al anon meetings and really liked it, or had a great conversation with your therapist) as a way to lead by example and hopefully motivate your partner to do the same.

The waiting game of it all is the hardest part for me. Accepting that it is out of my control and that I don’t know if I will stay in the relationship or not.