Is it crossing the line to look through someone's phone when you're suspicious?

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trust
communication
#1

So I know my fiance has used in the past week and is talking to a new dealer. I looked through her texts and saw the conversations about buying stuff and timing it up so I wasn’t around when it happened. This happened so many times that I’m not even mad, just like immediately mentally exhausted :anguished:. Is it crossing a line to look through her phone? And how do you confront them about it without coming off like you invaded their privacy?

#2

I’m guilty of it for sure. It’s a tough one that I definitely don’t have a good answer for avoiding backlash - other than starting with the old ‘I love you and I’m concerned.’ But yeah be prepared for an uncomfortable conversation. I think when someone’s life is at stake I feel like I can rationalise something like this.

#3

I’m not sure a conversation is necessary about the event. I believe You said you already knew she is using so , what positive outcome will come out of it ? I’m not saying that hiding and lying is a good thing but if it were me , I’m going to avoid setting my son up for more lies and a confrontation. If you bring it up , she will be defensive and lie and then become upset about you looking at her text. I understand where you are coming from …, sending hugs and reminder to do something good for yourself today.

#4

So sweet @Denise :slight_smile: <3 sending <3 out to you too!

#5

Good question @Dean_Acton. My sister and I definitely guilty of looking through dad’s phone - even his call logs. :grimacing: (Maybe the up- and down-side of a family plan?!)

What I want to say is that it’s crossing a line, but when it comes from a place of good intention, it somehow seems more justified (like @polly said, too).

I think that @Denise is onto something with this thought, though:

If the information is already out in the open, maybe it’s best to support what’s already known instead of trudge up another “issue.”

Anyone have any thoughts on how to have a constructive conversation if the information you found looking through your loved one’s phone is new news!?