Hey @Rachel! I have gone through rehab with my BF a couple of times (he’s currently at rehab right now on his 17th day today), and it does not get any easier. I miss him, just like you are probably missing your husband. Just know he is in the safest environment right now.
First, expect that during first week, you may not hear from him. This always made me frantic , it still does! But, most rehabs want that first week for patients to clear their head of all distractions and in the long run, it is a good thing.
Second, ALWAYS try to get in touch with therapists, care managers, ETC. Introduce yourself and give them a call. This allows you to get an in on how he is doing and what the plan is. It also allows you to be in the know of visitation and call hours, etc. Ask them questions and voice any concerns with them. They are there to help not only him, but you as well.
Third, check to see if they have any family meetings you can attend. I’m not sure if his rehab is locally or in your state. The last rehab my BF was at held a 2 hr meeting every Wednesday for the family to attend. IT WAS AWESOME because it made his time being there a lot easier on both of us. This first hour was just a family meeting w/ other family members of the patients. We got education on addiction and were allowed to ask questions. It was super informational considering it was the 1st time I was going through this. The 2nd half was a an AA-style meeting and I was able to attend with my BF. Not every rehab will have a setup like this, but check to see if they do.
Fourth, practice self-care! I still find this difficult, but it gets easier as the time goes on. Try attending an Al-Anon meeting. Instead of looking at it as “he is just getting treatment” , look at this time as you are recovering too. To recover, you need to address things and heal with yourself. You will find people in similar situations at Al-Anon, and it is a community that is so not judgemental you will feel right at home!
Fifth, realize things don’t happen overnight. My BF’s first rehab journey was almost 50 days!!! Crazy right? He ended up relapsing early on though, and at first it really broke me. But, I had to remind myself that things like this do happen and it was unfair to think he could be “cured” overnight. But, no matter what I supported him and still do because I truly believe recovery is possible. It just takes time, effort, and a lot of go arounds for it to happen. So, set realistic expectations for yourself.
Sixth, have a clear line of communication with your husband. Let him know if something is up, to let you know. This is especially important in early recovery because the addict is super vulnerable and experiencing the world sober. My BF was depressed the first month he came back from rehab, and at first I took personal because he wasn’t clear to me what was happening. I eventually had a sit down with him and we hashed out everything.
Seven, try to be open minded about all kinds of treatment. I didn’t know this till recently, but there is a lot of different kind of treatments out. My BF is currently on suboxone maintenance at the rehab he is at now. I read a lot of great things on this, so I am hoping it is the push he needs to succeed!
Eight, set-up goals for yourself everyday. Keeping your own goals in line is SUPER helpful to get through the difficult times. For instance, I’m studying for 2 Praxis tests right now. Sometimes, I don’t want to study, but when I do I feel accomplished. I also try to do the 10th step every night and put one thing I’m grateful for that day in my grateful jar. It sounds silly when I’m writing it , but I do all of this to keep things in perspective for me. Sometimes I feel like I get so lost in the BIG picture, that I don’t focus on the moments I’m living right now. These small practices help keep me grounded.
I hope some of these tips help you in this journey to recovery! I will add any I can think of later. I wish someone had told me some of these things when we first started on this journey, but you learn as you go. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions or just want to talk!
xx
Nicole
love is so healing at this time.
and don’t take too much personally! He’s got to focus on himself and his healing!
!!