My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years. I’m 26, and she’s 25. I dropped her off at a residential rehab facility on October 26th, and since then, I’ve only received one phone call from her. That call was just to ask me to bring her a specific bathing suit and some of her belongings.
We haven’t had a single meaningful conversation in almost three weeks, and honestly, it’s breaking my heart.
She has phone privileges on Tuesdays and Fridays. Every time those days come around, I find myself waiting and hoping she’ll call. This past Friday, I waited all day just hoping to hear her voice, but nothing.
Meanwhile, she’s been calling her grandma. Her grandma told me their conversations are always very short, and she thinks someone might be listening to the calls because my girlfriend usually just tells her she’s doing okay and that everything is fine.
I wish I could at least get that.
Her grandma also got to visit her at the facility and told me she looks better than she’s looked in a long time. Hearing that genuinely makes me happy because I’ve wanted nothing more than for her to get healthy again.
But at the same time, I’m sitting here wondering why she can’t spare even a minute to call me.
For some background, I don’t use drugs. I work full-time, own my own business, bought my first house earlier this year, and go to the gym multiple times a week. I’ve worked really hard to build a stable life for myself and hopefully a future for both of us.
For over a year, I’ve also been financially supporting my girlfriend after she lost her job and started experiencing serious health problems.
I was paying the bills, taking care of our home, working, running my business, and handling most of our responsibilities. I didn’t expect her to contribute financially while she was genuinely sick and unable to work. I just wanted her to get better.
There was one month when I took her to the hospital five different times because she was feeling so terrible and we were desperately trying to figure out what was wrong.
She’s struggled significantly with her mental health, and I believe that may be contributing to many of the symptoms and difficulties she’s experienced. Her grandma has similar concerns, although we don’t know exactly what’s causing everything.
There were times when I felt like she wasn’t putting much effort into getting better, and that was incredibly frustrating to watch.
Over time, I started becoming resentful.
I was exhausted from working, paying for everything, and taking care of the house while feeling like I wasn’t getting much affection, intimacy, or emotional support in return.
Looking back, I recognize that she was sick and probably wasn’t capable of showing love in the ways I needed at the time. I also recognize that my resentment probably made her feel unloved and unsupported, too.
I’m not pretending I was the perfect boyfriend. I know I made mistakes, and I’m sure there are things I could’ve handled differently.
Our relationship had become really tense before she entered rehab. We were both unhappy, and I felt extremely alone.
But despite everything, I still love this girl more than I can explain.
We’ve practically grown up together. Seven years of memories, experiences, and imagining a future together. She’s been such a huge part of my life, and I always pictured us growing old together.
I genuinely think she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. She could be a model. She’s stunning, outgoing, and incredibly easy to talk to. I’ve always felt lucky to be with her.
And I’ll admit that knowing she’s in a co-ed treatment facility has made me insecure.
I’ve read stories about people developing romantic relationships in rehab, and I worry about that happening. My girlfriend has always been someone who forms close connections with people through shared experiences and trauma. Some of her friendships have developed that way, and I’ve worried before about whether certain friendships were healthy for her.
I know that doesn’t mean she’s doing anything wrong, but with our relationship already struggling and her not contacting me, my mind keeps imagining the worst.
When she called asking for her bathing suit, I brought it to the facility around 10–11 PM. There was a younger guy skateboarding around the lobby, and when I knocked, he came out and took her belongings from me.
I have no idea who he was or whether he even knew her, but the situation made me uncomfortable, especially because she’d specifically asked for that bathing suit and hadn’t called me just to talk.
I realize none of that is evidence of anything inappropriate happening. I think the uncertainty and our existing trust issues are making me overthink everything.
But honestly, the thing that hurts the most isn’t even the possibility of another guy.
It’s that I haven’t heard my girlfriend’s voice in almost three weeks unless she needed something from me.
All I want is one phone call.
Just a simple, “Hey baby, how are you doing? I love you. I miss you.”
That’s it.
I don’t need an hour-long conversation. I don’t expect her to spend her treatment worrying about our relationship. I’m proud of her for getting help, and I want her to focus on recovering.
I just want to feel like she still thinks about me and cares about me.
Her grandma told me that my girlfriend thanked me for taking care of our animals, which I appreciated. But there was no “I love you,” no “I miss you,” and no indication that she wanted to speak with me.
I told Grandma to let her know that I love her and miss her, and she received that message.
I also suspect that I might not even be on her approved contact list. I don’t know that for certain, but the facility won’t share any information with me. They can’t even confirm she’s there, despite me being the person who dropped her off.
Meanwhile, Grandma is able to receive updates and visit her.
I understand there are privacy rules, but emotionally, it’s difficult feeling completely shut out of the life of someone I’ve spent seven years with.
Before rehab, I brought up the possibility of her staying with Grandma temporarily after treatment.
It wasn’t because I didn’t love her or didn’t want her home. I was worried about her falling back into old habits, and I thought some time apart might help us both heal and figure out what we wanted.
Now I’m wondering whether she interpreted that as me breaking up with her.
Grandma thinks maybe my girlfriend doesn’t know what to say to me because of how difficult things were before she entered treatment. She also thinks my girlfriend might be uncomfortable discussing our relationship if the phone calls are being monitored.
Maybe that’s true. I genuinely don’t know.
I just wish she’d call me and tell me what’s going on.
I feel like I’ve spent the last three weeks waiting for some small sign that she still wants me in her life.
And every time another phone day passes without hearing from her, it hurts all over again.
Part of me wants to keep fighting for our relationship because I genuinely love her. I want to see her healthy, happy, and doing well. I’d love nothing more than for us to rebuild the affection and connection we used to have.
But another part of me is emotionally exhausted.
I’ve spent so long feeling rejected, unappreciated, and alone in the relationship that I don’t know how much more I can take.
Maybe we need to live separately for a while after rehab and slowly rebuild our relationship. Maybe spending time apart would help us appreciate each other again.
I’m not expecting her to come out of rehab completely changed. I understand recovery takes time, and I want to support her.
But I also need to feel loved, wanted, and appreciated.
I can’t keep chasing someone who might not even want to be with me anymore.
For anyone who’s been through residential rehab or had a partner in treatment, is it common to avoid calling your significant other when the relationship was already struggling?
Could she genuinely be overwhelmed, ashamed, or unsure what to say? Or should I be taking the lack of communication as a sign that she doesn’t want the relationship anymore?
Would you recommend giving each other space after treatment or trying to rebuild the relationship together?
I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore. I love her so much, but I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter.
I just wanted to hear her voice. That’s all. 