My husban has been at least once a year for the past 3 years, prior to that he had been clean for 3 yrs. He is a meth user. He is an amazing man when he is clean and sober. I don’t know what to do anymore. Everytime is relapses it’s so hard and painful because he is not the loving kind man I know. I don’t want to give up but I am becoming numb and a bit bitter. He is now on a 14 day hold at a psych ward, and I spoke to him yesterday. He keeps saying that he is tired of this life and the fact the he get the urge to use every year. He said that he wants to do me and my kids a favor by divorcing me because he is tired of hurting us. He said it’s better if he’s alone due to his addiction. I get man because my mind can’t comprehend why he can’t mangage to stay clean. But, I know it’s a disease. Still i’ts so hard. I love the man and I don’t want to give up, but I can’t force him to stay . I know he is scared of relpasing agian in the future. He was on 4 week run this time. Help?
My husband relapsed
Thanks for sharing @MrsJP1979. It is so heartbreaking and also frustrating to see our loved ones relapse, especially after so much work has been done already. My husband was in recovery for 7 years before he relapsed hard on opioids, and then there have been several more slips in his last decade of recovery. Each time, I ask myself the same question - how much longer can we keep doing this?
I can definitely hear the love in your relationship, and the desire from both of you to heal and move past this. What he said about leaving to protect you and the kids - those kinds of comments often come from a place of deep shame, not necessarily from a lack of love or desire to change. It sounds like he wants to do better but may not fully believe he can. That can be part of the struggle with addiction, especially with meth - it’s tough on the brain, emotions, and motivation. But recovery is possible, and there is hope.
What I’ve learned from We The Village and CRAFT is that connection is what is most important in recovery. But it can be so tough when that connection is continually broken through his actions and behavior. It’s possible to stay connected while still working to protect yourself and your kids. What are some things you’ve done in the past to get through this? Therapy, support groups, any way to get out and take care of yourself? One of the first steps I took in my own healing process was start to see an individual therapist. Eventually, my husband started seeing a therapist and we saw a therapist together. That was really helpful in building back trust and learning how to communicate better.
You’re not alone in this.
Hey @MrsJP1979 - how are things going today with you and your husband? If you’re interested in online support, ourCRAFT program is available for family members and is proven to help. Let me know if you have any questions about it, or if you need any help looking for local support.
A note from the Village
: Our Coaches are CRAFT certified and uniquely expert in training families to face addiction and get through recovery together. If you are interested in additional support, check out our online CRAFT programs at wethevillage.co.
Thank you so much for responding. I haven’t gone to any support groups or therapy. I have the support of my church. But, even in that it’s tough because most people don’t understand addiction. I spoke to him earlier and he’s still has that stuck in his mind to leave 
I need to find more support and look into therapy.