Hi @Quecke - welcome to the Village! I’m glad you found this space and that you’re learning more about CRAFT.
I hear how stuck this feels. When the drinking is hidden and most of his time is spent in bed, it can be hard to know what to reinforce. One thing that helps with CRAFT is remembering that it doesn’t always have to be about alcohol or drinking. You can look for any behavior that brings a little more connection, health, or engagement.
For example, if he gets up to share a meal, you might say, “I really enjoy when we eat together.” If he starts a conversation, respond warmly so he feels that effort is noticed. If he shows interest in something outside the bedroom, like an errand or a hobby, that’s another chance to encourage him by showing appreciation for it.
And when he pulls back and isolates again, it’s okay to quietly step back yourself and give less attention in those moments. The contrast between warmth when he’s engaged and less energy when he withdraws can, over time, help guide him toward more of the connection you want.
This method can feel slow. CRAFT is more like planting seeds than forcing change. Each time you notice and reinforce those small steps, you’re helping to build the foundation for bigger change later on. It might help to look for progress in tiny ways. Maybe he comes out of bed a little more often, talks a bit longer, or shows interest in something new. Those moments matter, even if they don’t seem huge at first.
You’re not alone in figuring this out. Have you noticed any small shifts lately that could be signs of progress, even if they feel minor?
