Has anyone else ever felt resentment for their spouse during treatment? I am grappling with the relief that my husband is getting help but also I am angry that we found such a great facility because I’m jealous. I mean he completely blew up our lives and he gets to stay a 5 star hotel with the freedom of expressing his emotions and people dedicated to his well being…and I get to pick up the dog poop, pay the bills, and try to handle everything on my own. I’m tired of hearing “just take care of yourself” or “one day at a time, just try and relax” because I want just one chance to be the mess for once. One chance to have everyone care for me. I want to be just as selfish without the guilt of knowing how everyone around me feels.
Resentment for spouse
Bisto
#2
I am struggling with similar.
My other half is currently in a 6 month residential rehab facility and I feel soo resentful.
I was the one who sourced and organised his placement there.
I have given my all and as soon as he went, I felt like I was shoved aside and left to get on with it myself, having to source my own support whilst he has everything on hand and I am honestly struggling with this.
His addictions caused me a lot of pain and I feel a mix of resentment and frustration.
It’s as though, we as the loved ones, suffer not only through their addictions and behvaiours as a result but then no one cares about us so we continue to suffer and it kind of comes across as though our wellbeing doesn’t matter because there is no support already put in place to coincide with their therapy to support us.
It’s as we are given a pat on the back and a shove out the door.
Jacqui
#3
Hey @Riley7823 and @Bisto - you’re not alone, and you deserve to be taken care of, too. Be the mess. I know you don’t want to hear “take care of yourself,” but taking care of yourself can mean taking the day to cry, scream, vent, veg out in front of the TV, ignore the bills - whatever you need. Book a stay at a nice hotel for a night or two! And when you’re ready, find the support you need.
What are you looking for? What questions do you have? How can the Village help? There are lots of resources for families of people with substance use disorder. Unfortunately it can take some digging and researching, but fortunately you have a community here that has been through it, has felt the same resentment and suffering and loneliness, and survived.
We The Village offers support for families through online training and group coaching calls. You can check out our online CRAFT programs at wethevillage.co. What is great about the CRAFT approach as opposed to more traditional 12-step programs is that CRAFT provides solutions, scripts, tools, and ways to take action, whereas programs like Al-Anon are more of spiritual programs that focus on your ability to let go.
Your own individual therapy can also be incredibly helpful, especially during early recovery when everyone’s wounds are still so fresh. Psychology Today is a great resources for searching for therapists in your area. You can even filter for therapists that accept your insurance, or someone who specializes in addiction so they have a better understanding of what you’re going through.
Let me know what you think and hey, if you want to just keep typing it out, we’re here to just listen, too.
A note from the Village
: Our Coaches are CRAFT certified and uniquely expert in training families to face addiction and get through recovery together. If you are interested in additional support, check out our online CRAFT programs at wethevillage.co.**