I left my husband of two years one week ago. I was to the point of crying almost daily. We were homeless and on the verge of losing our car due to his drinking. He has been unable to keep a job, so I carry us financially. He texted me yesterday that he is waiting for a bed to open at a local rehab facility. I want to give him another chance after he successfully completes rehab. My question is should I? I just don’t know if my heart can take another relapse…
Should I take my alcoholic husband back after he completes rehab?
polly
#2
I don’t always take my own advice 
but looking after ourselves first puts us in the best position to help, care for and love someone else. Now we know he is being taken care of, sounds like the perfect time to rest and recuperate yourself.
Perhaps shelve the decision for now about whether you’ll take him back. Let his recovery begin, see how things unfold and rest up yourself before deciding. I’d suggest leaving the door open because I’m sure your care counts for a lot to him and will help his recovery - just don’t let it take away from you at this moment.
I’ve been with my husband now 2 years post rehab and it certainly hasn’t been a bed of roses. Once the drug was removed I learned there are other underlying and complicated emotional issues that are hard to deal with and find help for. Sometimes I do let my mind wonder how much easier it would be if I’d let things end then. But I chose to keep going together - he is a pretty incredible human.
I’ve heard that 2 years into recovery the brain is really just starting to get close to fully healed and I still wonder what fully healed looks like!
Msyoung69
#4
Thank you so much for your great advice, Polly! While it’s hard just to sit back and watch and wait, I am sure it is much more difficult to be them! I will take your advice, since we may both grow and change through this process, and do like they are taught, to take it one day at a time. I am also happy that you mentioned that the process is still ongoing two years out…I feel better prepared by knowing some realistic expectations. Good luck to you…it sure would be great to hear more stories of success!!! Much love!!!
It has been 2 years my husband has been sober and it has been a rollercoaster ride. I kept asking myself through it all, am I a strong wife to stay or a strong mother to leave.
My husband went through detox which I supported him through and when he came out has been attending AA meetings almost every day. Even 2 years later he goes almost every day. He works the program as it is meant to be worked with self inventory and dedication to becoming a better man which he now has gained coping skills to deal with triggers.
The path of recovery is lifelong and honestly you have to ask yourself do you have enough of a good foundation in your relationship where you can let resentment and bitterness from the past go? I did. I am not saying everyone should go back especially if there is abuse mentally or physically but I assessed my marriage and knew the good man I married was still in there but he was lost. Now honestly we are rediscovering each other in new light. Not always perfect but the communication is key. We discuss things that bother us instead of fighting.
As a father he is more dedicated to being the role model his son needs him to be.
I love to hear other people’s success stories because it gave me hope that happiness is possible. Have faith and take it one day at a time. Just be supportive but in the process never devalue your worth. You deserve happiness. Good luck
Nicole
annie
#11
That is really hard to answer, do you still love him? do you think he will change? there are so many questions you have to ask yourself first. I assume you have always put him first and it needs to be all about you. If he is willing to stay sober and give 150% then are you willing to stay? I mean he already took the first step and went to rehab, perhaps seeking some counselling would be beneficial, I know it certainly helps me.
BigMattS2K
#12
I would suggest not at first. I feel like he needs to focus on his recovery and you should definitely spend some time going to Al-Anon meetings. Let him work his program and get into a solidly sober mind frame before you get back with him. Keep in mind he’s an alcoholic and we are master manipulator. He may try to talk you into getting back together, but you’ve got to be strong. Be strong for yourself and him. I hope the best for you both.