Sipping vodka - drinking without getting drunk

#1

Hi,
I am very, very happy that I discovered CRAFT. My changes in communication already brought huge change. My loved one used to get knocked out for days sleeping and pretending to read in bed. He’s now controlling his intake by filling vodka into a small hip flask and taking sips secretly. As he’s not getting drunk or as drunk as before it is had for me tell, if he’s been drinking and if I realise that he took a sip I sometimes tend to ignore it, because I don’t feel disturbed, angry or annoyed by him and I don’t want to get back into controlling. What else can I do? How can I handle this new situation?
Any help is very much appreciated, thanks a lot for reading.

#2

Hey @Quecke - I responded to your older message before I saw this one! Glad to see you back here, and it’s awesome to hear the changes you’ve already noticed just by shifting your communication. That’s such a powerful reminder that even small adjustments from us can ripple out in big ways.

It makes sense you’re unsure how to respond with this new situation. One of the helpful CRAFT ideas here is that you don’t always need to react to the drinking itself, especially if it’s not disrupting you. Sometimes the most powerful response is focusing your energy on reinforcing what you do want more of, like when he’s up and around, engaging with you, or spending time outside of bed. A simple, “I enjoy when we do this together,” or just giving him your attention in those moments can go a long way.

It also sounds like you’re already making a really important shift by not getting pulled into controlling or policing. That’s a huge step forward for both your independence and the balance in the relationship. Maybe the next piece is to keep watching for those little windows where he’s more present and build connection there.

You’re doing great work by noticing, reflecting, and staying curious about what to try next. Those small shifts really do add up. :yellow_heart:

#3

Hi Jacqui,
thanks for your responses. We had a nice holiday together and I am making real progress, especially with not getting enraged anymore. I am now at a point that it is difficult for me to be joyful when he is sober and getting out of his room again. I am relieved that he’s still alive and around but I am also annoyed and I don’t want to interrupt my routine.
I also struggle with reward versus punishment. One of the big changes in our live is that he now spends time outside of his room even when he is drunk. I then ask him to give me space and go to his room. I feel fine when he leaves but I wonder how it is for him. Does he feel punished?
Many thanks for your help. I would like to join a group program, if it was compatible with European time. Do you think there might be something coming up?

#4

Glad to hear you had a nice holiday, @Quecke. We do have a new group starting on Monday, December 8! There’s still time to sign up. You can learn more by clicking here, or book a call with Angie to meet your coach and ask any questions!

A note from the Village :love_letter:: Our Coaches are CRAFT certified and uniquely expert in training families to face addiction and get through recovery together. If you are interested in additional support, check out our online CRAFT programs at wethevillage.co.