The Newcomer's Welcome: What brings you to Village?

welcome
newcomer
#240

So terrifying… I’m so sorry you’re gong thru this. Alcoholism is disease. It shreds families and tears apart ones sense of self until nothing is left. It is progressive. And there is a solution.

Can you see if there are Alanon meetings in your area?
Do you feel strong enough to draw the line and say that you will help him so long as he’s willing to get help?? The help can be in the form of attending mandatory ala-teen/ Aa meetings. Rehabs. Outpatients. Outpatient therapy are amazing as they don’t disrupt the lives of school and work as much. But there is a still access to the drugs.

Hate to say, but perhaps a little time in detention center may be just what he needs to bring him to his knees and accept the help??

Self care. Self care. Self care for you.
You are unfortunately powerless over the addict. And you are correct… the enabling will do more harm to the addict than anything else

God bless :pray:t2:

#15

I’m new to this platform - I’m still learning the ropes - but I’m no stranger to addiction, recovery, and codependency. I’ve married 2 addicts - the first I left, the second I was ready to when he chose treatment. He’s got almost 7 years clean now. I knew I wanted to help other women ‘find themselves’ when he got to be about 3 years clean and I was still a miserable B****.

So I did MY WORK. I’d done alanon and celebrate recovery and they were incredibly helpful, as was traditional psychotherapy. But something was missing. Long story short I met a woman who was a life coach, and fast forward today - and I’m a life coach :slight_smile:

For the last 2 years I’ve had a block around the word “coach”. In my head (you know the B%^$# that lives up there - mine is named Negative Nelly) - I could hear “You’re really only good at f-ing things up… And beating the shit out of yourself for it”

I felt as if a coach is someone who knows about the game (sports reference) and can help others adjust their technique and plays to be a winner. Since most of the time I feel like I’m winging it - I’ve had a really hard time embracing “Coach” as a title. It was an awesome fit when I was the self-proclaimed #coachforwivesofaddicts and focused strictly on those in relationships where addiction was part of the hubby’s journey. But let’s be real - when the one you love is in active addiction, it can be brutal to work on YOU.

I told Nelly to cut the shit. Because even IF it was true that I’m good a F-ing things up. And beating the sh!t out of myself for it. I’M MADE TO LIFT OTHERS and remind them NOT to beat themselves up. To remind them of the truth.

So- I am a accountability and support partner. Why partner? Because I’m committed to the journey WITH you. Not as a leader, but as a kind of guide. I can see things from another perspective. Ask you to dig deeper and ponder the hard questions. I’m a neutral third party who only has your growth and success as a goal.

Together, we can shift the trajectory of your life.

I look forward to getting to know you all, and contributing to the healing of your wounds. <3

#12

Thanks for joining us here @Alldayswife :slight_smile: I’m in the same boat with a husband in recovery, it’s tough but we’re getting there!

#16

I’m new to the group my son has struggled for 6 yrs currently in treatment for the 6th time ( relapse… while not encouraged… should however be expected) I’ve learned a lot I want to help others who struggle and their families

#17

It’s hard for us who do not have the brain dis-ease that our loved ones have.
We only have our perspective from how our brain works and our common sense, morals, ethics and values that have not been Hyjacked

It’s hard, really hard but… that’s why all us strangers are here right? We are desperate for help, support, answers.

Please understand that the person you know so well, love, have grown with over the years has had their brain invaded which in turn does not allow them to make good decisions for themselves. While we can not recover for them we can however educate ourselves so we do not get tricked by the drugs that have taken over our loved ones brains. It is our responsibility to show compassion, love and support in an effort to get our loved ones to “choose” to recover. However, should they not choose to since their brains are severely hyjacked by the drugs, please know this does not give them the ability to make good decisions for their own well-being or the well-being of anyone around them. This is when we must take action by forcing them into treatment for the safety of themselves and any living person that may come in contact with them.

Please try to remember that when a human brain is hyjacked by drugs this is not your loved one you are battling this is the drug that has invaded their brains ( for whatever reason ) and their only hope to escape is for someone who loves and cares deeply about them to invest the time, energy and yes maybe some money to get them the help they need. I wish we lived in a different time where we had more resources to help us but also know, while not fast enough…progress is being made little by little but in the mean time please continue to educate yourself as much as possible in order to find resources to help your loved one and support for you as you go on this journey to helping by being an instrument to help bring about peace in our world.

#18

Welcome @Lesley_Cooney, so glad to have you here! Learning about substance use and and taking that knowledge and experience to help others is extremely helpful and powerful! :smile:

#20

Welcome to Village Q&A, @a.vigilryan @Pause_2_Balance @aquestioningsoul!

If you need a hand navigating the platform, feel free to send me a message. I’d be happy to show you around!

We are so glad you’re here.

#22

Extending a warm Wednesday Welcome to @Gina1 and @stayhopeful244! When you feel comfortable, we’d love for you to introduce yourself and share what brings you to this community?

If you need a hand to navigate the platform, feel free to send me a message. I’d be happy to show you around! We are so glad you’re here.

#95

Thank you very much I am trying to understand How It works around here

#23

Not sure how to write on here yet. I’m here because my boyfriend is a alcoholic plus he is bi-polar and has ptsd he is a veteran and I want to help him not to drink but I let him stay with me and I let him drink at my house because I saw him passed out in a parking lot I wanted him to be safe and his drinking has gotten worse

#96

Totally @Lucimara - it takes a minute to familiarize yourself with the platform! I made this little ‘get started’ tutorial about how to post, answer, and comment which hopefully might help a little!

#24

Thanks for joining us @Tooshort0430 you are among friends who get it here. And you’re doing it right :slight_smile: simply post a new question to start a conversation about something going on in your current situation that you want suppport around or to hear other’s experiences on and read others questions to contribute your support and experiences that can be helpful to others to hear. We are not alone in this battle and this is the place to share openly and know we’ll get it.

#25

Welcome to the Village Community, @Dean_Acton @Tooshort0430 and @Shine! We are so grateful to have you here.

Thank you @Tooshort0430 for introducing yourself! @Dean_Acton and @Shine, we invite you to do the same when you feel comfortable. What brings you to the Village Community? How can we best support you?

If you need a hand to navigate the platform, feel free to send me a direct message. I’d be happy to show you around!

#26

Hey guys, I’m Dean. I’m here because I’ve been dealing with opioid addiction for only alittle over a year now with my fiance. In the beginning I was very naive about it, had no idea what I was really getting into. Since then I’ve then I’ve seen the struggle first hand. I’ve watched her battle with the conflict, steal and lie to me, I’ve lost my financial stability to it. I’ve supported her through battling with roboting local clinics. Seen her go through withdrawal and post acute withdrawal syndrome. It’s been a tough ride and my life has changed greatly because of it, I have times where I battle with anxiety and depression about where my life is at right now because of it but I’ve held on and things are finally starting to look up. Finding a community and being able to hear and share my experiences with people who have been there has definitely helped me stay grounded through everything.

#33

Thanks for sharing @Dean_Acton and we’re so glad you’re here! Sometimes our role supporting our loved ones comes hand in hand with increased anxiety and depression, so you sharing that things are finally starting to look up is wonderful to hear, it also offers hope to others who aren’t quite there yet.

#100

thank you for the hope that things are finally starting to lookup for you after holding on through all you are going through. I too am battling with anxiety and depression about my own life choices because of my husbands fails to overcome his alcohol and gambling addictions. Living with addiction is making me a stronger person. Thank you

#27

I am the mama of a beautiful 28yr old son who’s experienced substance abuse. While the use/abuse and self medicating started slow - the ramifications of the full blown disease were fast and furious. We started the “recovery” journey together yet separate about 3 years ago. I have learned SO much and am drawn to advocating for those affected by addiction. Im the Administrator for the largest Facebook group “Affected By Addiction Support Group” and am constantly searching for additional tools and outreach. My son has over one year clean and sober, works at a prominent Recovery organization and has also dealt with underlying mental health issues which figure prominently in the journey. HOWEVER - with all the support, the advocacy and miracles I witness daily, as a mom who has witnessed her child’s struggle, I’m always on guard. The goal for my on going recovery, is continued connection and less fearful thinking…fear & over analyzing can be paralyzing. Happy to be here

#28

Welcome @adoumeng we’re so glad to have you here with us - sounds like you have a wealth of wisdom that can be helpful for this community. Every share helps in our aim to be just that - a tool for the friends and family to get the constructive support and answers they need from both shared peer experiences and professional peers weighing in with evidence-based information and skills to take action on.

All this to make sure we can be the best allies to our loved one’s struggling with substance use and / or addiction. And you’re right, it’s not a treatment and done kind of thing. I know from my personal experience 3 years into my loved one’s recovery that relapse can and does still happen (like…this past week :frowning: ).

We look forward to hearing more from you <3

#29

Welcome here @adoumeng! Thank you for sharing so honestly about your (and your son’s) hard-earned experience, successes, and ongoing learning.

Your goal echoes our sentiment that the opposite of addiction is connection. Very glad to be connecting with you here, and looking forward to hearing more from you. :hugs:

#30

I’m here because I have 2 daughters with addiction issues. My youngest will be twenty one in a month and she has been in recovery for over a year and just relapsed. My older daughter is 25 and she has had drug abuse problems for about 10 years and just admitted she has a problem recently and started on the path to recovery. My younger daughter got into trouble with the law and is on probation for 4 more years. The worry and stress is too much sometimes. Other times I feel a great need to use what I have learned to help others.