Welcome to Village Q&A - the online place to find answers and use your hard-earned experience with loving someone through their addiction to help others.
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I have tried everything I can think of to help my husband. Being nice, being mean, you name it. I know I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do but I just don’t know how many more chances there will be. I’m so tired of this cycle.
Thanks for being here @pde73 I know how tiring this rollercoaster can be. How are things going now? How can we help? <3
Hi everyone! I’m typing here from South Carolina. My husband has an addiction to alcohol. It has gotten particularly bad over the last 8 months and my anxiety is through the roof! I have been seeing a therapist on my own which has helped me tremendously. My biggest question right now has to do with setting boundaries. I understand I need to keep myself safe mentally and physically, but how does that work in reality? My husband is not physically abusive at all, but when he drinks I don’t like to be around him and I don’t like my 11 year old son to be around him. So what do I do? Thanks.
I feel the same way. After 3 years of ups and downs, I now feel so deflated. The first year I discovered my live-in bf was addicted to opiates/heroin, I was naive, undereducated and thought he could detox on his own because he was so determined and was so sure he could do it. I nursed him through the worst of the physical pains and told him how brave he’s being and he was. He was clean for a month. But I didn’t realize that was just the beginning. Three years later, he’s been through so many attempts to get clean on his own, only to relapse a few weeks later and after the worst of the physical pain is over. I realize it’s the mental struggle that is the hardest part of his recovery. He doesn’t want to be on subs or methodone as he fears he will be on them for life. He hates himself and wants it so much. I used to believe he could do it on his own. He’s tough (a former Marine) but admits this is harder than anything he did as a Marine. He’s hates he’s not tough enough when it comes to this addition. It wins every time. He wants to get his life back (our life) and I want to help him (us) but I’m losing hope and my optimism is turning into resentment. And that’s not helping either of us. I don’t own a car and can’t go to meetings so I joined this site. I need to talk to others who are going through this.
I’m here because I’ve been married three times to abusive alcoholics. My first husband started drinking after becoming addicted to cocaine. When I met him, he used nothing. My parents do not drink. I’ve never seen either one of them drink. I went on a date with my last husband and he told me he was a recovering alcoholic. By that time I’d studied the disease enough to be wary. He arrived for our third date unable to drive his truck. I told him to take me home. That’s all I said. He used every swear word I’ve ever heard and I told him to never call again. A week later, his daughter called from the hospital begging me to speak to him. She told me her mother had abandoned them. He told me he knew I was the only person who could save them. I can’t believe I stayed. !5 years. He abandoned me four years ago. He still calls nearly every night, drinks, hallucinates, creates pain and problems for me and my entire family and I don’t know how to stop this cycle.
Change your phone number or block his.
Learn how to show yourself, you love you!
Start with finding a therapist who can help you sort things out, allowing you to make healthier choices for your life, not anyone else’s.
It’s totally ok to love yourself and learn how to take care of yourself. This is NOT being selfish.
Hi, I’m here because I’ve lost my precious daughter to opioid addiction. She’s alive, but lost to us completely, several states away, no contact. We’ve raised the two of her children she abandoned. The hole in my heart is a deep as the ocean. She was the most amazing, beautiful person imaginable but it seems that the drugs have permanently altered her mind.
You are an earth angel, to care so much and want to help him. But don’t let another person destroy you. You have a kind heart, however youre happiness and wellbeing comes first. He abandoned you 4 years ago so you don’t have to answer his calls anymore. Change your number and shut him out. You deserve peace and happiness . X
Gwen, things will work out. Your distress and sorrow is voiced well in your writing, and I know you’ll do the best thing for you and your daughter and your grandchildren and the rest of your family. First, you. I read in your writing your hopefulness with “it seems” . None of us knows how it goes so we have to stay for the end of the movie. Be of good cheer and continue being brave.
You ask what brings me to the village, well because of my background and experience in the field of psychology and emphasis on addiction i know there is a great deal of people out there struggling to deal with this societal problem. It is worldwide and goes beyond socio-economic boundaries. With that being said, I am here to assist and help others.
I’m here because of my brother, who was diagnosed with ADHD since he was a child. He had been taking various medications prescribed by his doctors over 14 years now, and he is still on medication for ADHD. Seeing him grow up, he’s experienced many of the negative side effects-- depression, anxiety, alcoholism and lack of sleep. His lifestyle and habits are quite poor and he has lost a sense of his identity. He’s become so dependent on the medication that it’s difficult for him to be fully present without it. Because of this, he is not very good at managing his emotions. I feel he is actually emotionally underdeveloped and experiences things in very extreme ways, never knowing what will trigger him and put him in panic mode (contributing to his anxiety). I really want to help him out and be there for him but I get very frustrated with him when we try to communicate. He’s in therapy and very aware of his condition. He wants to improve his lifestyle and be off the medication completely but it feels like it will be a very long journey to full recovery.
Hi everyone, I am here because my older son has a drug problem. He has been in & out of jail, and just a few months ago got out of prison. He was doing so well but his when his drug test came back diluted, he had to do weekend jail time. He panicked and gave the excuse that they were going to put him in jail for 6 months. I am not there to really know what is going on, since I live out of state. His father has been enabling him, then helping him. ( lawyer fees, etc.) I have been scared, stressed, etc. the entire time this has been going on. Sometimes I blame myself for not being there, even though it was his choice to start using them. He knows how I feel about drugs since I have never used them. He just turned 23. He needs my help and I am willing to move out there to do what I can to help him.
Thanks for joining us here @hersheydoxxen though it’s such a hard journey, I love to hear your support for your son. I think we can all relate to this feeling of care and willingness to do what it takes. It sounds like you have a wealth of experience here that you can share with our community.
Hey @hersheydoxxen - You might find this post interesting. Would love to know how you are since you posted? Any updates?
Hi…thank you for sharing and I am experiencing same with my son 29 yrs old now back in jail for multiple parole violations. I have finally and firmly told him that he cannot return home. It is up to him. This is a short 60 days and he only had 2 weeks before house arrest after a full time rehab. I told him I am sorry and I let him down by not holding our agreements and he cannot come home. While he tried to change my mind, I held tight this time and told him again that I have thought this through and my answer is not going to change. He is 30 days in minimal and he calls me a few times a week checking in and wanting a few dollars for commissary. He is planning for release with his case manager. It is up to him, he needs to do for himself to realize he is able and capable to succeed in managing his life. It is a struggle to watch especially for your child (as they always will be your child). Hang in and follow your heart.
Hi everyone, I am here to connect and learn how to help myself to be able to help my fiance continue with the good fight. Hes over 6 months sober and the past still haunts us at times. We have been together for three years now and I have learned alot. Maybe I can help and br inspired by others, or help others to. Karmen
