Trouble with seeing my gf in rehab and who to talk to about it?



My gf has been in rehab for two weeks and keeps asking me to come see her on the weekend tells me she putting me on the list to see her but when I call I am not approved. Idk why cause I am 100% supportive of her recovery I actually help find the place she is in so when she tells me she putting me on approval and i am not it discourages me ive called and ask to speak to counsilor and all that and the front desk lady says she will put in request but for a whole week nothing I messaged them about it and nothing in there website the support loved ones and families support and knowing she wants me to come see her and knowing when she gets out she coming back to live with me I feel I need to be able to visit and be able to ask the counsilor what I need to do to help my gf of 2 years cope with life when she is out and what will help her after she is out and I get no reply no call nothing to figure this out and its discouraging me I will never give up on my gf but its putting me thru thoughts like is she really doing what she says and is she gonna want to be with me when she out? So my question is there any way I can legally get a talk with a counsilor in her facility to give me help with situation and tell me why I am not approved to see her?


Hi @Kbremiller thanks for sharing. When my partner was in rehab (finally) I remember feeling extreme exhaustion - this goal we’ve been striving for for so long was finally met and I was so depleted and felt a heightened sense of disconnection since I’d been the closest one to him through it all.

I did go and visit on a weekend, and it was nice to calm my nerves, but in reflection it might almost have been more for me than for him. What I learned over time is that the healing that goes on when someone newly stops using is massive. And the ongoing healing through recovery takes months / years. It is a SLOW process.

If you’re connected on the phone, maybe just let her know what you’re experiencing, eg.: “you say I’m on the list but when I call I’m not, if you prefer to keep in touch over the phone while you’re there just let me know - it’s ok.”

I’m just suggesting that 4 weeks of rehab (if she’s in a standard program) will go by real quick, it might feel slow now but in the grand scheme of recovery it is just a small part. It can be a really great time to take extra care of YOU and let her begin healing, knowing that this can take super human energy. Just waking up and making it through the day without using can take up her full life force right now.

From my experience you can legally talk to their counselor if she gives them approval to share with you.

Let us know how this unfolds and how you’re feeling now.

Also, our digital group meetup this week is on Positive Communication - which is the first building block of the CRAFT method and a great place to join us and progress your knowledge and skills with how to handle the recovery journey. You can RSVP for that HERE and if you’re inspired to use this as a time to build up your skills to support her, it could be the perfect time to enroll in our curriculum course to get the full package of knowledge, support and skills, that is linked HERE and scroll down to see the code for member 20% off offer. We’re starting the next course this coming week so you’re right on time for it :sunny:


Ok now I am really confused because now the alpine springs rehabilitation center won’t answer my phone calls at all I called three times to no prevail just they let it keep ringing and I dont think that is right or legal in that matter what can I do?


Hi Keith,

I experienced the same thing with my boyfriend at the one of the rehabs he went to. Some rehabs are very against their clients being in relationships , whether it be a boyfriend or girlfriend. I constantly called the rehab pretty much everyday. Finally, the counselor agreed to meet with me in person because my boyfriend had asked her if I could attend the family nights (which technically was not for gf/bfs). I think this was good I met her in person to show my character and how positive and supportive I was. I think us boyfriends and girlfriends do get a bad reputation in rehabs because their clients are not recommended to be in relationships during recovery. However, if they already have a significant other it is different. I live with my boyfriend so I also pleaded that I would have to be a part of his recovery and wanted to learn as much as possible.

Tell your girlfriend when you speak to her to speak with her counselor and plead her case to why you should be approved. Ask if you can meet the counselor in person. Addiction affects everyone and it is unfair to leave you out of the process as well. Most likely, it isn’t your girlfriend’s choice. The client has very little leverage in their decision making in rehab, so don’t think it is her.

Also did she put you on the HIPPA form? Make sure she does so you can get the information you need. I wish you the best of luck and am here if you need more advice because I’ve been through it ands know the mental anguish it can cause.


Hi @Kbremiller - I can’t speak for this specific facility but please take some deep breaths. Trust they are taking care of your girlfriend and that 1 month in treatment is just the very beginning of her recovery. You will have a lot of time to process together during the years to follow. Take care of yourself now. Do something that regenerates you. Remember you’re out of crisis mode now and it’s a great time for you to recover from the stress and strain of watching a loved one struggle with addiction and how scary that can be.


Thanks so much for sharing your experience here @stayhopeful244 - I’m sure this is very helpful for @Kbremiller


No we pretty new at this and I don’t get calls as much as i did first couple days she was in. She shoild be down to 2 weeks which is easy but she keeps callimg and asking me to come visit and she would put me on approval list but not approved. I wrote her letter explaining all this and to let her counsilor know I am her support and person she lived with for 2 years and gonna be when she out and having me able to come and be in the meetings would help alot for us both so she knows i still care and will help her thru this. In anyway possible way I just dont want her angry at me cause i am not there again this weekend to show her I am on board with this. I believe them keeping us away with minimum interaction or calls is actually causing our relationship problems and i dont want her to think ive stopped loving her cause thats not the case I love her more. So hoping she can get ahold of me by phone before 7 days pass like last time and me worrying whats happening just really hope to get this letter to her asap and her to do those things cause if she dont it makes me wonder if she just saying these things to keep me attached and not wanting to leave her and thats why I cant come see her cause she not putting me on visitor list instead of her counsilor saying i not allowed.