I have been with a guy for almost a year and from the start it was lies and drinking and ultimately drug use. I am finding out more and more he’s done and woman and he constantly lies and I don’t know how to confront his lies or handle this… We both used before but not together. I’ve never used by needle until I got with him. Fast forward I got my babies taken from me and him and I live together. I have a case plan which I’ve been completing but I can’t stay sober. I make it 30 days and fall. He doesn’t think he needs help but he is not supportive in my recovery, he doesn’t encourage me, talk about my girls, keep dope out of the house, nothing. I’ve been his backbone for the past year, I’ve made all his appointments, got him several jobs that he’s lost due to being high, I’ve cleaned, cooked, drove him places, filled out applications, made phone calls, paid bills for him online because he can’t, I make sure I set my alarm in the morning when he does work so he isn’t late, I pick his clothes out for him, I do it all. Yet I can’t seem to break free. Someone told me this is called trauma bonding. I am so hurt because I love him and I feel like I am nothing to him anymore. The more he uses the worse it gets. Please no judgment. I need advice. My babies come home in June as long as I can get clean and stay clean. How do you break away from this??? I believe I a going to residential treatment next week. Thank you.
What are your thoughts on two addicts in recovery who still dabble
Hi @Paigeshay - welcome to this space, I’m glad you found us here and shared your story. It’s been a few days since you posted this - how are you doing today?
What I’ve learned in my experience loving and supporting someone through addiction/recovery is that I had to learn how to care for myself, figure out my own needs and be able to be there for myself, before I was able to support someone else through such a difficult situation. I had to be in a healthy space, mentally, emotionally, and physically. So it’s really great to hear that you’re working toward recovery. Slips will happen, but you can keep going. Just get right back up. You have everything you need within yourself to keep going.
There is another topic in the community about trauma bonding that you might find interesting: