What do I say to young children about a loved one struggling with addiction?

family
children
communication
#1

This question comes up in a lot of different circumstances. How do you deal with this topic when young children are involved?

*Posting on behalf of a Village Community member

#2

I’m not sure there’s a direct answer, but I do know from personal experience that young children are aware that something is going on when another member of the family is struggling with addiction. My brother’s struggles began when he was about 14-15 years old, and I was 8 or 9. I remember a lot of fighting and chaos in the home until he went to college. I think as a way to protect me, my parents shielded me from everything that was happening, but I vividly remember being very anxious as a child about the fighting and yelling that went on - terrified my parents were going to get divorced. It wasn’t until later in life (through my graduate school program and my own therapy) that I realized how much this experience in my past impacted my life.

Looking back I wish my family included me in some of the family therapy surrounding my brother’s use so I wasn’t in a state of anxiety and fear all the time. I’m not sure what the best way would have been to tell me when I was so young, but I’m sure the professionals they were with would have known. Children absorb a lot of what is happening around them, so finding a way to acknowledge something is going on with the loved one who is struggling and reassuring them that they didn’t do anything wrong and it’s being taken care of could be really helpful.

#3

My dad was a “dry alcoholic” when my son was very young. I explained that just like some people have to wear glasses to “fix” their eyes or diabetic; some people have other things wrong in their brain which don’t work well and can sometimes makes them mean or limited. My brother was Down Syndrome and my son understood him being different at a young age. I just explained simply the problem. As he grew and could manage more information, I gave him honesty and more information. As a child of an alcoholic, children “know” when things are not quite right with a person. Being honest helps the child to identify the problem, especially realizing it is not them causing the problem.