What do you do when you have given up?

self-care
alcohol
opiates
#1

I have done everything and given everything. I have tried to motivate, support, and love my boyfriend, but the extreme ups and downs have seriously worn me out. I’ve been there for the rehabs, the detoxes, the meetings, I even went to Al-Anon too. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. And on top of that, he constantly gives attention to people who have done absolutely nothing for him. I’m just seriously worn down, stressed out, and upset.

#4

Sending love @stayhopeful244.
What are you up to this weekend? Are you able to take some time for yourself away from the situation? Think: spa day, friends day, family day back with your family?
Maybe while you take some time for yourself you let his family know to step up the support in your however temporary absence.
We need to look after you first. And make sure he is safe while we do so. Then return to the situation with rest and perhaps a shift in perspective or not.
Recovery can be a really selfish process at times. I’ve definitely felt this and it hurts so I’m sending all the love to you and hugs <3 keep us posted with how you’re doing today?

#5

Thank you for this, Jane ! He hasn’t been using to my knowledge as of right now ; he relapsed recently. Due to these changes, his mood is night and day! One minute he’s all lovey, the next he thinks I’m Satan. I’m trying so hard not to let his rollercoaster of emotions influence my own emotions, but it’s hard. I’m trying to play it cool, step back, and focus on my own wants and needs right now. But, of course, my caretaker instincts make me feel a little guilty that I’m not looking after him! Yesterday, I was emotionally and physically drained. I stressed myself out so much, it brought on a cold, sore throat, etc.

Today I feel a little better because I treated myself to an early bedtime (before 8pm!!). I feel like this cleared my head mentally too.

#6

This must feel so upsetting @stayhopeful244. Thanks for your honesty.

I know from this post and past posts that you do a lot for your boyfriend… and from what you’ve now shared here about how he reciprocates his energy/attention, I’m wondering, have you identified what you want/need from him? What behavior would show you that he sees/hears/appreciates you? How can you ask for what you want/need, specifically?

#7

@stayhopeful244 I know what you mean about this:

I stressed myself out so much, it brought on a cold, sore throat, etc.

I definitely do this to myself. Isn’t it crazy that we have this power?
I’ve also found it helpful doing some yoga to get out of my head. I realized I retreated there during my husband’s addiction and recovery and a few years on I can ease my stress through my body. Its been a great learning <3

Always here for you. Please keep sharing with us. And remember healing takes (SO MUCH) time. I once hear 6 months after stopping using the brain has healed 50% !!! that is some context right?

#8

I definitely knew this feeling in his early recovery. And he would wonder why I felt so insecure about our relationship?! It took a year-years to truly feel stable in it. And I don’t think he could quite understand it.

#9

Thank you for this!! I addressed the behavior with him. The behavior was particularly when he was drunk, though he had done it before. When I addressed it and told him why I was upset, he immediately said he is hurting me and doesn’t want to further damage our relationship. He told me he wants to go to rehab because he wants a future with me and knows that right now he can’t even take care of himself. I was happy he manned up and told the fault for his actions because I was hurt.

#10

Wow @stayhopeful244 how are you today? <3

#11

Have a beautiful day. I feel like that with my adult children. Your boyfriend is lucky to have you.