What should I do when he's not loving me the way I should be?

relationship

#1

This is tough for me I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this is why I’m reaching out here
My husband and I have been together for 3 years he what I thought at the beginning had been doing well out a year previous of rehab and then early on in our relationship I too have as finding periphenalia
And turned a blind eye as he lies consistently and I believed him
Now the last 6 months have not been good his mood swings are unbearable takes it all out on me making it feel that all his problems are my fault he has stopped paying multiple bills now we are getting more and more buried I have been working my butt off around the house to help as we need to list the property before it’s too late and pay the debt off he just doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore and I’m not sure if I can even keep it together enough to stay unless he gets treatment and I can’t make him I realize that and also I am enabling this behaviour in keeping it to myself
This is a downward spiral for me too I have caught him chatting to other females and pretty sure he has been unfaithful too I realize it’s the drugs but I can’t keep going in like this either I had to go on Meds because I can’t trust and feel sick all the time lately in the out of my stomach I want to tell his family if I do he threatens me that he will kick me out if I do and then 5 min later the mood changes again and he’s sorry
Yes I love him but he’s not loving me the way I should be
I’m really feeling torn what I should do ?


#2

Sounds like a mirror image of my story except we aren’t married just living together. So as I. Am learning the hard way and you will have good days bad days sad days and just a whole lot of confusion going on but walk away even if it’s for enough time to get your head together and all the self respect you’ve lost it will never change unless you change playing the victim, the ending will never rewrite itself. I am an enabler but also codependent you sound familiar to me. Yes not saying don’t love an addict, saying don’t accept an addict who using lying cheating etc. he wants to throw you out, you should run out that door until you are stronger and he shows you he cares about you enough to get help again. My heart hurts so much for women like us BUT I’m doing Al-Anon and taking control of my own life now. Only wish you the best believe me you can do this!!! Have Faith


#3

@Seeking Thanks for sharing here. I’m glad you were able to find this space and speak your truth. It’s definitely tough finding others who can understand what we loved ones go through living with someone in active addiction.

I think the best thing to do right now is to just take it one step at a time. What’s one thing you can do to take care of yourself? Do that. Focus on the next right thing for you and trust that things have a way of working out, even if the outcome is not always what we expect.


#4

It’s funny sometimes the people who give the best advice don’t listen to themselves ugh this site really helps me realize I’m not alone there are unfortunately lots of people going thru what I am but sharing anything I’ve done to help on a road to recovering my sanity and self respect hopefully let’s them know if I can do it you can too !!! Thanks for all the advice from others


#5

Been here so many times before. The highs are high the lows are low. There’s no right answer but remember to be fair to yourself. :revolving_hearts:


#6

Has anyone had a spouse or significant other here that has been addicted to Meth
Please give me more insight and yes agreed it is a disease and I have never dealt with this before I am really struggling as I said above
I am seeking help myself but really need to know how I can get him there again too


#7

i am sorry youre going through this, i have dealt with this for seven years with my boyfriend, except it was heroin, pills,etc… i wasnt aware in the begining of our relationship even though ive know him for 33 years as friends. 7 years ago fell inlove, with no hint of drug use because he was in rehab long ago, anyways besides the kicking out of home, ive experienced everything on and off, finances are bad, im still fixing things alone, hes finally in rehab, sober living, i ended up telling family and friends that mattered before i kicked him out, im not saying that works with everyone, i thank God it did with him because he started to sleep out of his car, then car was repoed, lost his license and job, hit rock bottom in matter of 2 weeks, so he got help, i couldnt do it alone, he saw it for himself finally, so i really think he has to get there himself, my tears and begging didnt do it for 7 years. im still lost so i understand you, i still cry and scream for going through this, but i have to worry about me now, i joined this group, im learning about betrayal trauma which helps me understand my feelings, my adult children finally know how i feel and support me, you have to learn to get help for you, i read the Bible everyday more, it helps me, praying helps me. I write down letters of my feelings towards him and this disease, but i never give them to him, its just my personal way of dealing with anger and hurts. i hope you can find a way and learn from this group, just as i am also. hugs to you.