My mom and I used to be much closer. Since I’ve been with my boyfriend who’s a recovering heroin addict(almost 2 years clean now) our relationship fell off. She seen him in active addiction. We live in the upstairs apartment of my parents home. So they seen it all. The negative behavior while using and so on. But lately my mom and I just argue a lot. She likes to co-parent our two year old son. Which is so Frustrating!! So when we politely ask for her to please stay out of it, she goes on and somehow this leads her to bring up a lot of things from the past. Like how he was while he was using. This been leaving me really sad. It hurts that our relationship feels almost ruined and that she thinks my whole life is sh*t because I’m with him. Any advice?
What to do when your relationship with some family members is suffering because you’re dating someone who is a recovering addict?
It’s so great that you live in close proximity with your mother. I live countries away from her and it’s precious you get time to know one another - even though it can be filled with friction at times.
I don’t think it’s easy for others to see us loving someone through addiction and my family has been at arms length. I know when we go on trips with family and they see my husband’s sleeping habits they can be surprised and it can feel judgemental. So I can imagine a wee bit how you might feel sister!
A thought that comes to mind for me…
It took me a really long time to understand how recovery and healing from addiction takes a really long time. I wonder if educating her some would help her to understand just what progress is being made in your loved one, and why it can be so hard, to gain some more empathy?
- This might be a good read for her: Addiction - What, Why & How?
Also, taking a break (weekend getaway?) can give us all time to cool down. Perhaps she is feeling depleted and overwhelmed and could use some time to regain her strength and objectivity? It took me a long time to heal from what I went through emotionally with my husband’s addiction, it sounds like she might need time to heal too?
- This might be a useful tool: All about self care
What do you think?
Sending 
Unfortunately I don’t have any advice for you, just chiming in because I feel your pain. It’s really frustrating when you’re on this path of recovery and healing and getting better, and family members just aren’t there with you and/or refuse to even try to join you. They’re still hanging on to the past and not able to look inward. I feel this way with my husband’s family and it makes me sad. It’s not helpful for anyone. Anyway, what I try to do is remember that everyone’s recovery is different, and I can’t control anything except for my own actions and reactions. Be the change you want to see, let it begin with me, and all that fun stuff. 
Thanks Jane! I’ve tried educating her. She’s a very one way person. There’s really no changing her mind. No matter what you do. You can do all right she will find something wrong to complain about. It just stinks. Wish it wasn’t this way.
Love this @momentsandlight - I’ve also found that over time (aka years) my leading by example tends to rub off on those around me! So there’s a sprinkle of hope in that 
️Another falling out with my mother today. A lot of hurtful things were said. Just emotionally drained. 
taking it one day at a time. Thank you for checking :two_hearts: