My wife left to go to a 28 day Inpatient rehab which i was in support of we both strughke with sub abuse and are trhi g t I regsin custoody of our kids from her parents. But ever since she left its been kne lie after gge other she ladted 14days in fehab then went to a sober living shes now been gone for 8 months and its gotten to the pount theres no communication. Shes always running back to ger parents and doing what they tell her they manipulate her and its not good for her mental health but she thinks shes gotta do as they say to get our kids. I have also sought treatment and gotten ckean over tgd 8 months but its all for not ive lost my wife and my kids. The sober living has done nothjng fir family. Ive seen my wife 4 yimes in 8 months and dont know what to do . When she left and all 17 years of marriage have been happy an aside from.not hacing our kids our relationship wasnt bad maybe a little codependent. But im tired of her lying and running bsck to her parents abd not acting like an adult we are 42 . All along sges tokd me she lobes me needs me and doesnt want to get divorced but her actions have to l d me the oppposite and ive reached my limit i would and have dobe anythi g for her weve bern together sincr 15 years old shes all i know and who i eant to be with but i cant tell if she wants tgat and she will not communicate with me its not like her shes said she will dobanythjng to get n our kids back i just didnt think that included leaving me tjis way. Lost hurt and confused.
Wife went to sober living and has completely shut me out of her life6
Hi @Jbravo - it’s great to hear that you and your loved one have taken steps toward recovery. It’s always so hard when addiction seems to take our loved ones, so that they seem like a different person. The brain takes time to heal, and it often takes more than detox and rehab to get to a place of truly health recovery.
Have you had any contact with her parents, or do you know anyone else that might be able to step in and help you communicate with her? How are you taking care of yourself during this time - do you have any support groups, a therapist, or recovery coach that has been helping you through your own recovery? How are your kids handling all of this?
We The Village has an online CRAFT group that can help you through this by teaching you positive communication skills and self care for yourself, among many other evidence-based skills! You can learn more and sign up at courses.wethevillage.co. Next group starts on November 4!
Sending love 
No shes now filed a protection order against me. Clearly becsuse of her parents. I know my wide before during and after drug use and she would have not ever even thought to do that and her parents were ar the hearing and paid gor her attorney, i just think im done she aluenating me from my kids making them fear me and xhes done nothing to show she wants our msrriage to continue a guy can only take so muc
Ive tried everything to get my wife back and vegin the process of getting our kids back ive been in treatment gotten clean the same as her, but ever since she left back in march shes lied about what shes doing and excluded me from any and everything and im sorry as a wife of 17 years and with 4 kids together if a decesion needs made that affects me or my kids future i should at the very least have a little input. She wont file for divorce which is all the more reason i think its mainly her parents. I went to my sons wrestling meet and she literally walked by like i wasnt there im sorry but thats wrong ive devoted my life to this women always supported hervand my kids was always there for her when her family didnt want a thing to do with her and now shes flipped sides and doing the same things to me she despised just 8 months ago. Im just at my limit i love her and my kids will do anything for them but to leave me alone with no family on thankgiving and christmas and bei g with her family who literally ladt year told her not to come just blows my mind how cold and heartless shes being shes comjng off as a total narcissitic cold careless about me woman not the person ive been with since we were 15 years old who calls me her soulmate and says we are meant to be together then does just about the exact opposite with her actions
@Jbravo - I’m so sorry to hear you’re in this situation.
So amazing that you’ve been able to get support for your own substance use.
The relationships we have with people can be so hard, so confusing, so heartbreaking. Sometimes we can’t ever really understand another person’s behaviors. You can focus on your own behaviors, which it sounds like you have been. Is there anyone near by that you’re able to talk to, reach out to for connection?
How can i even come close to beginning to heal when she is keeping me broken she filed a protection order against me for her and our kids so i cant see pr talk to them at all. She being manipulated and threstened and our kids are being used as a weapon by parents to keep me out of their lives. What shes doing is the exact opposite of what she told me she wanted im tired of being lied to an treated like im not her husband or like i even exist ive not even heard from them on thanksgiving and dont think i will for xmas and thats wrong theres not excuse for that . I think my next step is going to be legal seperation shes backed me into a corner and im done waiting on answers i may never get