Worried about My Fiance Going to Rehab and Cheating



I recently had a traumatic experience with my fiancé during which I discovered that he had been emotionally cheating. He’s done it on and off over the years, primarily talking to women online. We’ve recently been working on open and honest communication and he’s working on building up trust with me. It’s been going well so far.

He’s planning to go into a residential treatment program soon (he’s waiting for a spot to open up). It seems like a lot of people who go into residential treatment end up cheating on their partners with someone they met in rehab. I’m worried about what will happen in our case. I believe there’s a high probability of it. But I don’t want to break up because of a fear of something that might happen. I also worry about what would happen if he goes to sober living after the residential program and even after that if we do get married and live together.

Has anyone had these fears? How did you deal with them? Did your relationship survive rehab and subsequent recovery?


My relationship did not survive rehab. Last year both him and his mother contacted me approximately 3 years after we split. He had been in and out of facilities including hospitals, detox, rehabs, sober living and jail. His mother interfered in everything while we were together. So now he is much worse and she has to deal with it.

This past year he would show up at my house after multiple events accidents during ongoing relapses and I felt like the babysitter calling 911 getting him to detox and his mother would race right back and interfere.

I have washed my hands of both of them. Super dysfunctional to say the least. Recently he got out of jail, relapsed next day, detox following day and is there now. Supposedly going to the best facility there is in this state. I hope he makes it.

My experience is horrible with this man. I won’t even tell you how disgusting what I have seen on his phone. It is risky behavior in this day and age and not worth risking for my own health and sanity.

I almost would like to go to a 75 acre ranch for 30-60 days for recovery from ptsd lol.

I can’t see myself ever ever ever being with this man again.

I’m sad to say it’s tough out there. I told them both this past week do not contact me unless asking me to do some fun activity. You know what to do so do it.

My experience with any man that has cheated in any way is bad.

People are not this stupid and if they don’t appreciate what they have then move on. Be with your own kind type whatever. I’ve wasted my life with men with addictions cheating lying and treating others like a playground.

I’m older now my children range in age from 38 to 21 to 18. My daughter is married 16 years I raised her single. Her dad fried his brains. My sons are young they both have gfs one for 7 years and my first granddaughter is 1 year old. Their father is a sex offender. The last guy I had no children with that I spoke of above.

My advice is be wise choose people like yourself that love honor and respect you. Including friends and business relationships. You will save yourself alot of time resources and heartache. I have lost many good friends became isolated and everyone gets hurt that are around these people and these bad situations absolutely everyone. They need professional help that’s it end of story and they will get better if they want to. Like my brother says not all addicts and alcoholics behave badly. But many do even men that are not addicts behave badly cheat and are untrustworthy.

I did not grow up around this either. Right now I think there are alot of bad men in our patriarchal playground for men society.

Fortunately my children all have good relationships. My daughter thinks that there were alot of bad men with our generation x.

Take good care of yourself. Love and honor yourself. But most importantly listen to that voice inside and honor it. There is only one thing you cannot get back and that is your time.


Hi there @Tamatoa - I think your experience and fears are common for partners of people with SUD. Just browse this community, and you’ll find others who are posting about the same topic. I’ve also had a similar situation with my husband. It makes sense that you’re worried it will happen again. I don’t think those fears ever go away completely, but with time, your reaction and response to them can change and you can move forward.

This is great to hear and really the best thing you can do. Being able to communicate with my husband openly about my fears and anxiety, and him practicing transparency and understanding why I needed to know his location or ask for drug tests to help build trust - all this helped save our marriage.

It’s also so great that your loved one is going into treatment. It’s a tough time for everyone. Take care of yourself during that time in any way you can. If you need ideas or support, we’re here for you!


I have to source it my self. But I did find a lot of good info and am learning how to cope with change and learning how to work thru my Grief and face the demons I have head on and face to face used this time to just focus on my kids and my self . And I’m putting myself in a position to be ready to handle what ever comes my way with grace and dignity. I also did find some Al anon classes I’m going to attend to so I can be there if she needs me and I’ll be able to understand better what she’s going thru. And what kind of help is good and bad. I love this woman she really deserves a fair chance at a great life and worrying about the what ifs was just killing me . My best advice would have to be research learn adapt over come and go with the flow this seems to be the only things that have calmed my heart and mind. She comes home in 9 days Wish me and my family luck it’s going to be a long long road .


@Danthedad88 - it’s great to hear you’ve been taking this time to work on yourself and really look at your family’s needs. Compassion is so so important when in a relationship with anyone, especially when there is a substance use disorder.

Al-Anon can be such a wonderful community and opportunity for self growth. I would also recommend our We The Village program, which is based on the CRAFT approach and provides proven skills that you can put into place immediately that can best support your girlfriend through early recovery. You can check it out at wethevillage.co :slight_smile: