My fiancee went into rehab for alcohol yesterday. Its been 6 months of emotional roller coster since he relapsed. I’m so worried and lost without him here, but our relationship couldn’t continue with the way he was. Hes a wonderful man when sober, everything I could wish for. When hes drunk ges loud, emotionally abusive, unpredictable and delusional. Hes at a great rehab but my new worry is who hes house sharing with. There is 3 of them in the house including another woman of a similar age. It May sound strange but after everything with the alcoholism I’ve lost my trust. This should be the least of my worries but I’m scared and alone and I don’t want anything or anyone to get in the way of us rebuilding our relationship. I read of people forming close bonds and being attracted to one another in rehab as emotions are heightened and an addict can look to replace one thing with another. Can anyone offer me any words of support? I don’t want to mention this worry to my partner as I just want him to get well and come home . Thank you for your support
Worried about temptation of affairs in rehab
Hi Jim so sorry you are going through this 
. My experience with addiction and women is very separate. I do get you can’t trust him with drug/alcohol and that is understandable, but if you can’t trust him with women either then please know your worth please and don’t waste one more day with a man that can’t be 100% faithful after you staying through his addiction rollercoaster!
I hear you acarper74 and thank you. Its a paranoia rather than a fact and I know I need to work on my trust. What is a relationship without trust?! Hes run out of chances with me, and it would be the final straw if he ever cheated. However on the positive he calls me and messages me lovely words through the day ( phones not taken in this rehab) and he says he’s doing this for us so his addiction doesn’t wreck our relationship. He,says he wants to grow old with me and have,a life full of adventures together X
I feel like the lack of trust and your concern for their choices is completely natural and there is nothing wrong with that. Addicts take us on this journey of being constantly in fight or flight mode and it makes it difficult to trust them in any situation, but especially in ones where we aren’t around. I believe that since we have so little control with our partners addiction and how they will manage it we can sometimes develop other ways to feel some sort of control, and creating outcomes for situations is one of those ways. This might not be the case for you, but it definitely is for me.
On another note, since you aren’t married yet maybe this is a time to think about what you want and don’t want in a marriage. I think back to some of the early challenges with my partner and sometimes wonder if I would choose this for myself again, especially in a legally and financially binding way. I also wonder if I would choose to have children with an alcoholic or someone with addiction issues. Life is such a struggle as it is and throwing an addict and all their challenges into the mix can be so overwhelming at times.
Just know that your trust issues are completely valid, and you should be able to communicate those to your partner. And if your partner decides to get involved with someone else either in our out of treatment, then you have a choice in how you want to deal with that, by staying or leaving them. Just remember to see your worth in all of this, and good luck.
Thank you for this lovely reply Sarah. I’m on my own journey of healing and as much as I miss my partner, I need to focus on me right now, and be clear of what I want for myself in the future. Like you say being with a person who is an alcoholic has many challenges. At the moment he’s doing well and I’ve discussed my issues with him and he has reassured me that he is only interested in his recovery and getting home. He says hes doing it for our future. He also told me he has the same worries of losing me/ cheating whilst he’s away as he knows he’s put me through a lot. Im feeling more positive than i was. However we need to do the work to build trust again. Thank you for saying my issues are valid, I really appreciate your support. I see my worth and I wouldn’t put up with anymore dishonesty or heartache. Thank you again and good luck to you also x
My husband of 18 years went into rehab for alcohol for the 1st time. He also had terrible anxiety ( caused by the drinking) and was on anxiety meds. Due to the combo of alcohol and anxiety meds, we were worried for him to try to quit on his own. We have children together and are best friends of 21 years. To my knowledge he was never unfaithful until rehab. He went into rehab to save his life, his health started to deteriorate in the last year before rehab. He went in June of 2023. While in there a woman 6 years older began to start deep conversations met with hugs and emotional encouragement. He talked to her all day everyday telling her horrible lies about me. He made himself believe I was this horrible wife to make himself feel better about the romance he was having with this stranger!They quickly became a couple holding hands, playing various games as a “team” kissing, grabbing etc… They were paired up playing cards, table tennis, etc. Other people including staff were asking questions and he just played stupid. She knew he was married everyone did. They had breakfast, lunch and dinner together. Were in the same groups. In one group they were tasked to pick meaningful songs, he choose songs for and toward her. Crazy enough he was able to call me nightly and did. In the beginning we would talk for 15 to 20 minutes toward the end he could barely stay on the phone for a couple minutes. I was in the dark to all of this that was unwinding right under my nose. Toward the end of his treatment (30 days). They planed to have sex on an evening when the facility planned an event. So they did. She told him she loved him and he said the same. All in a 3 week timespan, my marriage of 18 years would never be the same. I can explain a part 2 of what he was like when he got home and 1 & 1/2 later where we are now later. Discussing this hurts more deeply than you can even dream. So I will leave it here for now. Yes, people cheat in rehab.
It’s crazy to read your reply because my husband of 13 years at the time did the same to me when he went to rehab. We had just bought a house and had 3 babies when he went into rehab. His whole month away was torture for me in so many ways. When he returned after a month he informed me he met someone else. I’m still navigating my way but it’s been difficult.