Has anyone had a spouse or significant other here that has been addicted to Meth?

recovery

#1

Has anyone had a spouse or significant other here that has been addicted to Meth
Please give me more insight and yes agreed it is a disease and I have never dealt with this before I am really struggling as I said above
I am seeking help myself but really need to know how I can get him there again too


#2

Yes. Dealing with knowing this for 2 years now. It is very hard. He always denies using despite all the obvious signs. He has been injecting for nearly 10 years. We have been together 5.5 years, but I thought he was bipolar until I found out a few months after he moved in. It is complicated by his bisexual party and play risky sexual behavior with men. Lots of betrayal. I wouldn’t wish this path on anyone. And when he is not using he is incredibly angry and mean.


#6

@dcj Thanks for sharing here. What an exhausting situation. Big hugs and hope you’re able to do something for yourself this weekend.


#3

I feel this so much too
Today was not a great day for me I’m exhausted and so done crying all the time lately , the denial the deceitfulness and I know he has cheated on me too I’m going absolutely nuts with this now having a hard time dealing with it I never thought he would ever do what I have caught him multiple times doing either I have been suspicious before and my gut doesn’t lie so he passed out after a few solid days awake and left his phone open so I couldn’t help myself but to look I meshed all those back and more or less told them to fuck off he’s married I don’t know how much more I can take
I thought I knew my husband he is not him right now I just want him back so bad it hurts, My Ex husband cheated on me too I left his ass but this is so difficult and different than that
I have looked up Nar-anon meetings in my area I think I’m going to attend one


#4

@Seeking I hope you’re able to attend the meeting tonight. Let us know how it goes.


#7

Went to my first Nar-Anon meeting I don’t talk to much but listened to everyone it definitely has opened my eyes to there being so many more familiar
With the disease
I will be attending again this week did let out a bit of a cry just feeling so sad lately . Supports from these groups are what’s keeping me going right now thank you all for being so amazing


#5

I feel your pain my dear. I left a looser cheating husband just to wind up with a narcissistic heroin addict . Learning a lot of it has to do with my codependent ways and the garbage I accept in a relationship. Everyone deserves to be happy we need to build up our own self respect and live if ourselves then won’t find ourselves sitting around crying over partners who aren’t willing to change. Definitely attend a meeting it’s saved me! Hugs sent your way


#8

Ellie910
I feel that so much too co dependency is a lot for me too , my ex husband is a supreme narcissist at its finest, I have so much more to tell the last 3 years have been really tough for me , I do truly love my current husband this stuff is just so much more heavy to deal with


#10

@Seeking That’s so great to hear you went to a meeting! I definitely cried at my first Al-Anon meeting. It so helps to find community and share and listen. Sending hugs your way. :hearts:


#9

And trust me if been so beat down before he was also very verbally abusive to me I came back from it I was over 300 pounds living with him for over 20 years after having 3 kids and change my life now living 100 pounds lighter all by myself


#11

My youngest son drug of choice has been Meth last used (Dec 2022) and herion , It is very hard to understand why


#12

Lilsis69- It is hard to understand why people use- but I know that it provides some relief from other traumas, pressures, and responsibilities. Of course, the relief is only temporary, and they have to figure that out, just like we have to figure out how to maintain continuity and connection in a nonjudgmental and non-self-righteous way. It’s no picnic.:ant::ant::ant:


#13

My daughter has used meth at different periods throughout her using. Although she denies she would ever sink that “low” (quoted from her perspective).:lying_face:

I have seen signs and found evidence of meth use. For meth , her pupils will be large (which is also a sign of withdrawal so that can complicate things), she sweats, does not practice good hygiene, and avoids home because the burnt plastic smell is easy for me to detect. During a period of meth use she had very dirty hair it looked kind of fried, the sweats caused her to wear summer clothing during cold weather, and she always had extra clothes to change into before coming home to hide the smell. :no_mouth:‍:fog:️

Although “meth heads” are known for not being clean; she would attempt to hide her use by showering, as soon as she entered the house, hoping to keep me from knowing. However, her eyes still should the sign of something not being right.🥹

Even when her eyes a tough read, I am so super sensitive to smells that the smell of meth is easy for me to detect. When she was a teenager I always knew when she had been smoking cigarettes and no smoking has been a boundary for her since birth. She is well aware smoking is a “no way in hell and not if you want to live in my house kind of thing!”🫤

For that reason when using meth she was more likely to not come home to hide her using meth. During two different periods of her on meth, she and my grandson’s father had been engaged for more than a year and I became aware she had a boyfriend, too. When I questioned her about her relationship; she explained her and her fiancée had an “open”relationship which meant that when they were apart they might “need” to be with another, rather than be alone. She told me, “she did not have to have a “traditional” relationship just because I did.”:face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

I know of three times, she wasplanning on their becoming a “thruple”. A “thruple” style relationship does exist; and yes you can Google it! However, for me this was another “hell no not in my house” kind of thing. I would not allow her to move another in; before the current one’s bags were packed and gone. Not that she has respected me, my house, or any boundaries throughout her use. Mostly NOT! :roll_eyes:

In hindsight, I know I should have sent every single one of them packing, her too! :rage:

Eventually, my daughter and her fiancée’s drug use and infidelity ended their engagement. :dizzy_face:‍:dizzy:

I guess “sexual” needs can be so elevated with meth, heroine and fentanyl use that my daughter demanded an “open” relationship from her significant other(s). Even though, I had seen her turn into the “girlfriend from hell” when that went the other way?? For her I believe “drug brain” (or zero brain as my husband calls it) allows her to easily forget and forgive or excuse away her mistakes. However, I have witnessed her feeling totally opposite about an open relationship when “boy toy” was caught cheating. :imp:

My spouse and I started referring to her “man” as “boy toy” because that is how she treated her male counterpart. Every time she brought one home, they were like a shiny new toy that would eventually lose its appeal, as soon as, the next shiny new thing came along!:star_struck:

All except two, that she brought home, have been co-dependent, past or present drug user, UNEMPLOYED, without transportation and likely in need of food, shelter, and clothing. My spouse and I started telling her she was not to bring anyone home to our house. And if she desired a better future, seek out a man with a car, a job, and a house; who does not use drugs. That is when the “except two” came along. They dated her, were employed, and respected my house by not entering her bedroom or asking to stay overnight. When I shared our conversation concerning her choice of boyfriends with my sister, she responded, “non-drug users do not hang out with drug users!” And YES! She is absolutely correct and that is the absolute truth! :face_with_monocle:

Update::thinking:
On another note, I want to share my current state of home. While I await my daughters return from rehab, I have allowed her boyfriend to stay in my home to care for her 3 pit-bulls, 1 Boxer, 1 Brussels Griffon, and 3 cats. He knows his staying is contingent upon his remaining employed, paying me 50% of his earnings, and respecting my household rules. (I believe 50% is fair considering he has free-loaded on my home for nearly 9 of the 12 months he has been in residence. That amount will be reduced once I have recouped much of my costs incurred throughout this unwanted living arrangement.:triumph:

Intent::innocent:
Therefore, it is my intent, my daughter’s home plan, will include agreement that she will take action to move into her own residence within 3-4 months of her return date…and so it is! Amen!


#14

Just a little note…I’ve smoked weed twice in my life and that’s all I’ve ever done. Both times were 30 years ago. I am a non-drug user and my bf uses everything he can get his hands on. It’s an extremely complicated relationship. I wish I would have known before I fell for him, but here we are. So I just want to say that a lot of us spouses/significant others are not drug users ourselves.


#16

@jen28 Oh dear i believe you may have taken my words out of context. I, in no way, meant that anyone who is with a drug user is a user themselves. My daughter lives in my home and I certainly would not consider myself a drug user.

Please realize the conversation I had with my sister was focused on social life of young adults my daughters age, 18-25ish and her ability to become involved with a non-drug using friend or boyfriend. We live in a very rural small town area where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows who’s using drugs (occasional weed use not meant to be included here).

We were referring to small town mentality, where drug users do not easily move into a non-drug social circles. In fact, overtime my daughter has lost all non-drug using friends she had. Maybe she has not actually lost them? They just are not interested nor do they “hang” with her anymore. These words expressed my experience and were not intended to apply to everyone nor meant to be judgmental. I apologize. I did not intend to offend. However, do let me ask you this…if you would have known of his addiction before falling in love with him, would you have chose differently? Does that help clarify what I meant?


#15

One thing you might try is a search
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=signs+of+meth+use&t=chromentp&ia=web
There are photos too.

Another thing I recall when my spouse was using whatever he could find is he spent a lot of time with his ‘friends’ and very little at home except to sleep. My kids were all tiny and so I got no respite and not much sleep. Being sleep deprived isn’t helpful. And he wanted me to use with him. He didn’t think about what would happen to the kids if both of us were using. That said, I was a straight-up B word. Alone, 2 kids ( who were borderline special needs), no sleep, no money and a family that just couldn’t see how desperate I was.

He kept saying I was sleeping around while he was actually doing it. that is an example of looking at another person and not seeing that person but rather oneself. Because he was doing it I must be doing it. I was desperate for a housekeeper, not another %&*# man. Men are too much work. Perhaps not now but then…

These are just my war stories. We all have them which is why Al-Anon, Naranon and other 12-step programs are so useful. You come in with anger, shame, fear, and oceans of tears and leave just a little bit better. You need to attend a couple of meetings. Sometimes the first is just a blur. Some meetings are better than others. I usually like the smaller ones. OTOH, you get a variety of approaches with big ones. So, if possible do more than one meeting. Also, you can use Zoom, Skype or other platforms. There was no internet for me back in 1985 but there were drugs and alcohol.
To me, the ridiculous thing is there have always been drugs and alcohol. Humans just haven’t worked out a way to handle it that works. The first thing to do, fellow travellers, is to take care of yourself, which I was obviously not doing way back then. That husband did not get me into those meetings. I left him and thought: problem over. 1985 was when my children got sober. I know my daughter is working on 30 years of sobriety now. The fact my son is alive means he must be doing something right. Today is not the day for that story.

Hugs
Be good to yourself.
Nora


#17

I appreciate your encouragement concerning meetings. I’m aware of Al-anon in our area and I’m not sure if we have Nar-anon? I will have to see if I can find one? I would like to try for self care. Thank you!


#21

I have found a Nar-anon meeting on Thursday evenings in a small town approximately 20 minute drive from my home. A friend in recovery actually recommended this particular group to me. This meeting is an all women group that consists mostly of young adult women that are being detained in a local “last stop before jail” center. My friend believed I might gain some understanding and insight from these young girls perspectives. I will offer updates once I start attending next week!

Today it is my intent to continue with self care by taking time to relax, meditate and practice breathing deeply!


#20

Thank you for chiming in here @newnoz and for sharing the wisdom you’ve gained during an extremely difficult time.

^^ I think what you say here is really interesting and really powerful. I wish more resources were put into ways to improve mental health care rather than trying to get drugs out of people’s hands. Because like you said, they’ve always been around. And people will always find a way to get them. But addressing/healing the “why” behind it all - Why are they using? Why do they feel they need drugs? And how we can provide other tools to cope? - that’s what’s so often missing.

Thank you also for your insight on meetings. I go to Al-Anon meetings regularly and my favorite slogan for newcomers is “Take what serves you and leave the rest.” We’re all different and we’re all navigating this process differently. We can all learn from people who are different, and we can also choose not to receive whatever they’re offering.

@sammiesame Nar-anon can be a little harder to find. While there can be a dozen or more Al-anon meetings in an area, there could only be one Nar-anon. If Nar-anon isn’t available or doesn’t work for you, you can still attend Al-anon even if your loved one’s drug of choice is not alcohol. It’s just about finding a good group that you can connect with. Like @newnoz said - some are better than others. Don’t judge all meetings just by one bad experience. A lot of what I’ve learned has come through a combination of Al-anon, therapy, the Village, and other non-recovery communities.


#22

Good for you to go to that meeting- I hope it is meaningful to you- I look forward to reading about your insights from this meeting.