Hello. My husband of 3 years, almost 9 year relationship recently got home from rehab for alcohol. He showed up a day early at our house to my surprise when I was suppose to be picking him up the next day from the treatment center. His dad picked him up behind my back while his mother earlier in that day babysat our daughter and acted like her son wasn’t about to just show up later that day…… weird I know. He acted like a stranger the minute he got home. Said he was going to stay at his parents house as that’s what they “recommended” before coming back and living at our house and I believed it all because I wanted to support him. The day went on and I could tell something was off. He eventually broke down and said he isn’t happy here, wasn’t in love with me anymore, and wanted a divorce. I was in complete shock. Hysterical. I mean we have two children under 3. We are in the hardest years of our lives with young children- it’s not easy! I could not believe what he was doing. Having two young kids plus his drinking had put a strain on our relationship and at some point within the last year his drinking took over. I felt neglected and in turn probably distanced myself from him due to his selfish behaviors. Throughout everything I have never stopped being in love with him or even just loving him. I hated what he was doing but I wanted him to get better to be a better father and to strengthen our relationship- hence getting him into inpatient rehab. Throughout the dysfunction prior to him going to rehab he never once said he wasn’t in love with me or didn’t have feelings in fact we would have open conversations regarding our love and I always felt secure in what we had. A week after he got home I found messages on his watch from an unsaved number saying “ I love you so much” “ it hasn’t even been that long but I miss you so much” “ I just want to pull you up to me and kiss you “. You get the point. My heart dropped. He told me there was no one else that he just realized he wasn’t in love with me anymore while he was there. I confronted him and he told me it was a joke and I wouldn’t understand because I wasn’t in rehab and they “joked” like that. He cheated and he is lying to my face about it and is now dating this woman he met in rehab and bring her around our children when he watched them while I work on the weekends despite my expressed feelings about not having her around the kids right now. My husband also relapsed a week after he got home and I believe another time as well. When he got home before I found the text messages he said he was going to start outpatient rehab again. It’s been 7 weeks and he still hasn’t started. I don’t know if he actually will. I don’t understand how someone you knew better than anyone could change into a complete stranger in 28 days. After 9 years together. Im now left to pick up the pieces of my life that he just completely ruined. He said I could have the house and all he wants is a couch and a tv- like he has no emotional attachment to anything at all. I don’t know how to heal from this. I don’t know if I will ever be ok. I wonder if he’s as sick as I think he is to do this and wonder if it was really because I guarded myself from him due to his drinking problems. Everything I read says this relationship won’t last but what if it does. I feel like when I see him he acts perfectly happy and normal like he didn’t just break up our family while I’m here surviving day by day but he is still drinking ? It’s like he flipped a switch. He has also made so many excuses to not see or take care of our children when it’s his time to be with his new rehab girlfriend. He is also sporting a kid bracelet his rehab girlfriends daughter made him. This isn’t normal behavior. It’s heinous. I’m so confused and have no closure. I don’t know if I ever will. He texted me and told me how he felt bad for treating me poorly and that he was an alcoholic and he was “ no good” for me and I could find someone who would treat me way better than he ever did. How does one heal from this kind of trauma and betrayal. Will I ever be ok again?
Husband home from rehab and isn’t “in love” with me anymore. Found out he cheated
Yes, you will be ok. You will go through the all of the emotions but what got me through it was the fact that my children were little like yours and they needed me. I had to put all of my feelings to the side to take care of them. My husband did the exact same thing immediately returning home from rehab. You just have to be the bigger person and walk away with your head held high and be a mama even on the days you want to crumble and fall apart 
️ … You will never understand it because I know I still don’t but it does get easier and you will be stronger because of it.
@Sadgurl I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How are you doing today?
I think there are many other people in the Village Community who can relate to your story. I echo @Lissa78’s words - yes, you will be ok. It will take time and it will take work, and the outcome may not look like how you thought it would, but it will turn out ok. One thing thought that I will say - while there may be times you need to put your feelings aside, please also take the time to feel them and work through them. Talking with a trusted friend, seeing a therapist, checking out support groups in your area, or continuing to share your story and reach out in this community. Reach out for support where you can. Is there someone besides your husband who can help you care for the kids so you can make time for yourself, too? The better you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of them.
Another thing I will say is that oftentimes people think that after their loved ones go to rehab, everything will just be fixed. We know that’s not the case. It sounds like your husband still has some serious healing within his brain, body, and soul that he still has to get through. The path can be painful for everyone, but there is hope.
I know it can be hard to read other people’s stories going through the same thing, but know that many people get through it with a positive outcome. I’ve linked a topic here where you can find some hopeful stories:
Thank you so much for the support. I feel like the waves of emotion hit me out of no where. One minute I’m like I feel like I can do this, the other minute I feel like I’m dying. The thought of moving on with my life without him is something I can’t even imagine. I feel like I was almost emotionally abused in a way as he called me daily from rehab telling me he loved me and missed me too when we would say goodbye while he was planning to leave me for this woman in rehab. I want all the answers so bad but I know it won’t change what he has done to me. I feel like the victim here and I hate that……and I hate that I can’t just snap out of loving him like he did to me. The first week after he got out of rehab I got a therapist and I’ve seen her about 5 times. She validates my feelings and is helping me realize that this is actual trauma he has put me through despite him normalizing his actions. I wish I could fast forward 3 years to when I’m healed from this nightmare. I’m really trying to feel better though. ️
I agree with everything you said in your comment! Yes absolutely she will have to take the time to process her feelings as well. My husband betrayed me in 2019 and I’m just now trying to process everything. It’s definitely something that has to be done in order to heal I’m learning ️
I to was in your position me and my kids dad were together 14 years and grew up on same street we both got into some trouble and while I did everything I am supposed to do for probation he didn’t so ended back up in jail and whole 2 months he said he was gonna finally marry me (cuz yes afyer 14 years we never did which was huge red flag) but he got my name and our sons name tattooed on him and all while I was scraping up what I could to survive and try put money on his books then he went to rehab and did the same exact thing said the program told him to be single blah blah blah and he had this whole double life and blocked me ghosted me and I was broken and shattered by it I relapsed and almost didn’t make it until I met an old friend who has shown me what a real man is and what real love and caring and not lies because if a man can just up and dump his family he never wanted to be in that role really and was always going about the motions he may of loved you but after the addiction took hold all the resentment and toxic emotions was the beginning to the end in my experience we. But you will feel the love you deserve one day it hurts like hell now but when your true soulmate or twin flame walks in your life when you least expect it you will finally see it all for what it is your ex was just there you were just there for along time goin about the motions for y’all’s babies but love isn’t supposed to hurt ever like that. And it don’t ever doubt you. It gets better stay strong girl
Mine called me every day as well and sent me these beautiful letters that I still have telling me he was gonna be the husband I needed him to be. I used that to get me through The month he was gone. That month was the longest 31 days of my life and probably the hardest. The day he came back was the day he told me he had met someone else and there was something about her he couldn’t get over. That day was one of the worst days of my life. I’m so sorry that you’re going through that because I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It was such a slap to the face. I hated him every time I looked at my kids and I could see the heartbreak in their faces. It’s hard now and you may never understand it, but you will have better days ️
I just wanna know when I will feel better 
6 months? One year? 5 years? it’s been a little over two months since this has all happened and I think I’m doing better then something else happens and I feel just so sad and I’m back at square one. I know healing takes time but I just can’t imagine a life where I will have to see my ex the rest of our lives knowing what he did. He also tried to come back and said he made a huge mistake and wanted to work on things with us but literally had his rehab girlfriend waiting in background, I said no and he continues with her in this trauma bonded relationship. So hurtful like if you are in love with me you would move mountains to make things right with your wife and the mother of your kids. I’ve never met anyone more self absorbed than he is right now. I feel like I’ve just wasted the last 9 years (besides my babies) of my life on this man for him to just do this to me, make a pathetic attempt to come back to me. It just hurts after everything. I know my worth, I know my presence in someone’s life is a blessing, I’m a good person nothing I could have done would have made me deserving of this much pain and heartbreak. I have enough self respect to not take him back but despite the terrible things he and his family have done to me, the complete betrayal, I still love him and I wish to god that I had no love for him at all. He’s just a stranger at this point. I feel lost.
@Sadgurl - do you have any practices that can help keep you grounded when the emotions hit? Breathing exercises, yoga, journaling, going for a walk. They seem so simple but they can really be helpful when then thoughts and fears and sadness start to take over.
Here are some more self-care tips from Villagers that you might find helpful:
Sending you love! Take it one day at a time. There’s always hope. 