Hello. My husband of 3 years, almost 9 year relationship recently got home from rehab for alcohol. He showed up a day early at our house to my surprise when I was suppose to be picking him up the next day from the treatment center. His dad picked him up behind my back while his mother earlier in that day babysat our daughter and acted like her son wasn’t about to just show up later that day…… weird I know. He acted like a stranger the minute he got home. Said he was going to stay at his parents house as that’s what they “recommended” before coming back and living at our house and I believed it all because I wanted to support him. The day went on and I could tell something was off. He eventually broke down and said he isn’t happy here, wasn’t in love with me anymore, and wanted a divorce. I was in complete shock. Hysterical. I mean we have two children under 3. We are in the hardest years of our lives with young children- it’s not easy! I could not believe what he was doing. Having two young kids plus his drinking had put a strain on our relationship and at some point within the last year his drinking took over. I felt neglected and in turn probably distanced myself from him due to his selfish behaviors. Throughout everything I have never stopped being in love with him or even just loving him. I hated what he was doing but I wanted him to get better to be a better father and to strengthen our relationship- hence getting him into inpatient rehab. Throughout the dysfunction prior to him going to rehab he never once said he wasn’t in love with me or didn’t have feelings in fact we would have open conversations regarding our love and I always felt secure in what we had. A week after he got home I found messages on his watch from an unsaved number saying “ I love you so much” “ it hasn’t even been that long but I miss you so much” “ I just want to pull you up to me and kiss you “. You get the point. My heart dropped. He told me there was no one else that he just realized he wasn’t in love with me anymore while he was there. I confronted him and he told me it was a joke and I wouldn’t understand because I wasn’t in rehab and they “joked” like that. He cheated and he is lying to my face about it and is now dating this woman he met in rehab and bring her around our children when he watched them while I work on the weekends despite my expressed feelings about not having her around the kids right now. My husband also relapsed a week after he got home and I believe another time as well. When he got home before I found the text messages he said he was going to start outpatient rehab again. It’s been 7 weeks and he still hasn’t started. I don’t know if he actually will. I don’t understand how someone you knew better than anyone could change into a complete stranger in 28 days. After 9 years together. Im now left to pick up the pieces of my life that he just completely ruined. He said I could have the house and all he wants is a couch and a tv- like he has no emotional attachment to anything at all. I don’t know how to heal from this. I don’t know if I will ever be ok. I wonder if he’s as sick as I think he is to do this and wonder if it was really because I guarded myself from him due to his drinking problems. Everything I read says this relationship won’t last but what if it does. I feel like when I see him he acts perfectly happy and normal like he didn’t just break up our family while I’m here surviving day by day but he is still drinking ? It’s like he flipped a switch. He has also made so many excuses to not see or take care of our children when it’s his time to be with his new rehab girlfriend. He is also sporting a kid bracelet his rehab girlfriends daughter made him. This isn’t normal behavior. It’s heinous. I’m so confused and have no closure. I don’t know if I ever will. He texted me and told me how he felt bad for treating me poorly and that he was an alcoholic and he was “ no good” for me and I could find someone who would treat me way better than he ever did. How does one heal from this kind of trauma and betrayal. Will I ever be ok again?
Husband home from rehab and isn’t “in love” with me anymore. Found out he cheated
Yes, you will be ok. You will go through the all of the emotions but what got me through it was the fact that my children were little like yours and they needed me. I had to put all of my feelings to the side to take care of them. My husband did the exact same thing immediately returning home from rehab. You just have to be the bigger person and walk away with your head held high and be a mama even on the days you want to crumble and fall apart 
️ … You will never understand it because I know I still don’t but it does get easier and you will be stronger because of it.
@Sadgurl I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How are you doing today?
I think there are many other people in the Village Community who can relate to your story. I echo @Lissa78’s words - yes, you will be ok. It will take time and it will take work, and the outcome may not look like how you thought it would, but it will turn out ok. One thing thought that I will say - while there may be times you need to put your feelings aside, please also take the time to feel them and work through them. Talking with a trusted friend, seeing a therapist, checking out support groups in your area, or continuing to share your story and reach out in this community. Reach out for support where you can. Is there someone besides your husband who can help you care for the kids so you can make time for yourself, too? The better you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of them.
Another thing I will say is that oftentimes people think that after their loved ones go to rehab, everything will just be fixed. We know that’s not the case. It sounds like your husband still has some serious healing within his brain, body, and soul that he still has to get through. The path can be painful for everyone, but there is hope.
I know it can be hard to read other people’s stories going through the same thing, but know that many people get through it with a positive outcome. I’ve linked a topic here where you can find some hopeful stories:
Thank you so much for the support. I feel like the waves of emotion hit me out of no where. One minute I’m like I feel like I can do this, the other minute I feel like I’m dying. The thought of moving on with my life without him is something I can’t even imagine. I feel like I was almost emotionally abused in a way as he called me daily from rehab telling me he loved me and missed me too when we would say goodbye while he was planning to leave me for this woman in rehab. I want all the answers so bad but I know it won’t change what he has done to me. I feel like the victim here and I hate that……and I hate that I can’t just snap out of loving him like he did to me. The first week after he got out of rehab I got a therapist and I’ve seen her about 5 times. She validates my feelings and is helping me realize that this is actual trauma he has put me through despite him normalizing his actions. I wish I could fast forward 3 years to when I’m healed from this nightmare. I’m really trying to feel better though. ️
I agree with everything you said in your comment! Yes absolutely she will have to take the time to process her feelings as well. My husband betrayed me in 2019 and I’m just now trying to process everything. It’s definitely something that has to be done in order to heal I’m learning ️