In what ways have you tried to get your loved one into treatment?

treatment
communication
#48

HI @bigg7909,
Thanks for the post. it’s super close to me. I have a thing about lying. My family always thought I was a liar. It turns out I was a storyteller. But lies? Ah shucks, it always comes down to shame and not feeling equal to say where you are and what the %^& is going on. I think you are THERE with lying as ground Zero.

My son, who has a substance use disorder, or, too many feel bads, or too much love, or … when he starts telling tales, then I know he is in it deep.

So nice to hear you have continuation of care. You are doing so many things right. Even if she is lost in her personal shame, at least her Doctor has a different relationship to address in a clinical way.

I look forward to learning from you. It is no picnic, and it seems from this first post I’ve read that you have a whole lot of awareness around people with SUD and how to best navigate the path. :evergreen_tree:

#2

I actually threatened to tell his folks hes 55 but still like with them hides in his room. Long story short after 3 years of dating git him into a long term rehab and find out he screwing someone in there. I guess no good deed goes unpunished!!!

#3

This is such a great question and I’m anxiously waiting to hear what everyone has to say. In my experience I’ve pretty much kept my mouth shut but something happened a few weeks ago that has led to my husband’s latest attempt at sobriety and it might have been from a conversation we had. Basically he really messed up because he was drinking and when he was telling me what happened things were not adding up so I said to him “I’m having a difficult time trusting you right now” and then he opened up and told me what really happened and the timeline of events made sense so then I believed him. Now we give each other a commitment each morning and his has been he commits to not drinking. Hopefully this time he sticks to it.

#6

@sky Wow, what a huge step forward! I like that you did not blame or accuse him of lying, but instead, expressed your difficulty trusting him. I think that kind of vulnerability opens up a much safer space for everyone to be honest. Praying that he sticks with his commitment, too! What is your commitment?

#4

I’m struggling with this as it is my husband that needs rehab really bad , unfortunately I’ve come to that acceptance point not that I truly do accept it but have realized there is truly nothing that I can say or do that will change this he has to want to changer in order for it to accomplish anything , I have kept it inside for so long and so glad I found this blog to vent on , 2 weeks ago I tried the forced rapid access clinic he got in the car but he wasn’t happy about it he went in talked to a Dr got meds and still hasn’t taken them or called the
Resources they provided , unfortunately felt like I had hit another brick wall until Last week I literally packed my car and bags and was going to leave , my friend said I could stay there if things got to the point were I needed to flee , I also have been warning him for the last 2 months that I would not enable anymore and set boundaries by saying NO finally and told his sister what is really going on , he came home that night and I actually was fearful of what he would say but it turned to a rational conversation I told him his sister knows now , surprising but it might have actually been the kick in the ass he needed and he knows he can’t hid from his addiction anymore , he has finally started doing things that need to be done now that his sister is aware , I’m trying to stay hopeful but I have heard a lot before we need to list and sell before we both lose everything and he has agreed to do detox once that happens , we will see …. Friday it’s getting listed it can’t be put off anymore , I highly recommend seeking supports for yourself first before the addict may even want to as well
I’m currently in Nar-anon , personal Couselling, and taking time for my own self care every day as I have lost myself and have felt so isolated and lonely I have spoke and it was the best thing I could have done for ME not him let’s just hope

#7

@Seeking Good for you for getting support for yourself. I agree, we can’t force our loved ones to change. But I also believe if we think can enable bad behaviors, then we can enable positive behaviors, too. It’s just takes a lot of work, patience, compassion to get there.

Have you checked out the Group Course? There is a new group starting November 8, and it can help teach skills to make positive change in your relationship.

#5

I once told my husband he had to go to rehab or he couldn’t come home. He didn’t come home that night. When he came home the next day, I told him he had to go to rehab or we couldn’t move on as a family. He went to rehab and relapsed six months later. I found meetings for him, I found him a therapist and made appointments for him. It wasn’t until I realized how much my own mental health was deteriorating from living in a home with active addiction and nonstop lies that I decided to leave and make the space to take care of myself. That was when he detoxed on his own and really made steps toward recovery. He didn’t go back to rehab. He did recovery his way and I stepped out of the way. For me, it was a full surrender. Letting go of outcomes and hoping it would be okay no matter what happened. It didn’t get him into rehab, but it was the first step toward a healthier relationship, which has become a crucial part of long term recovery.

#8

I want to check the course out money is very tight unfortunately

#37

I just have to say how inspiring your story is. Your commitment to each other through this is truly amazing, and something I wish I had.

#10

I have filled out the questionnaire already thanks so much

#9

@Seeking You might be eligible for 12 weeks of free support through the We The Village Family Support Study. Support would be similar to what they offer through the Course and the Community. You can check eligibility at www.familysupportstudy.com.

#11

I got my daughter to an alternative drug treatment program in Florida that offered NAD+ IV and I went with her. I admitted myself at same time and place for treatment for alcoholism,

I found alternative treatment program in Illinois that offered NAD+ IV and a behind the ear bridge device to help with withdrawal pain we went together.

She also had court ordered outpatient treatment that she only made minimal attempt to follow.

Once alternative rehab attempts failed I threatened to call probation, I threatened to have her 302 d for suicidal risk, and I actually called probation when she relapsed and was on ARD probation for DUI. Unfortunately probation only revoked ARD then her use continued while we waited for ARD revocation, which took 8+ weeks.

ARD was revoked and she was placed on regular probation for which I thought she would go to jail once she tested positive. So I let her know jail would soon be a consequence, It took 3+ months, during which she had one 3 day period in prison for first probation violation. Throughout her period of regular probation she continued to use and we had to administer Narcan to save her from overdose approximately 1 month ago. After that she dodged her probation check in and had a drug test fail which resulted in her current incarceration.

In the next 3 weeks she will have probation revoked and court ordered inpatient rehab to start early January. After spending 18 days in prison with another 18 to serve before she gets a bed to bed transfer to rehab, she has decided she is tired of incarceration and ready to enter rehab,

#12

The question I think needs asking is what does it take for people in relationships with an active addict alcoholic to ask for help? It took a lot for me. So many of us are broke by the time we are willing to go to a meeting. I’d love to know that people are getting more comfortable getting help. I just don’t see it happening.

Anyone have any ideas? What might have helped you do this sooner?

Thanks
Nora

#18

I hate that it had to get to the point of jail but perhaps this is her rock bottom. I pray she stay committed to entering rehab.

#13

I agree but no real solutions come to mind… I will never forget my first Al-Anon meeting and what it took to get me there. It was after the urging of my therapist and our couples therapist that got me through the door (well over two months after my husband’s first AA meeting).

#17

@newnoz excellent question the love one dealing with it is suffering too with no help. Who will help us to help them?

#21

Great question @newnoz - thanks for bringing this up. For me, the breaking point was realizing my own mental health was declining, and that I no longer wanted to live that way. I needed to love myself again. I made an appointment with a therapist and began healing myself.

#26

@newnoz Thank you for this question and I think it opens up an opportunity to really have compassion for our loved ones and the difficulty they may have with making positive changes. If we can’t even ask for help, and we don’t have a problem with addiction or substance use, how difficult must it be for them to reach out for help and be willing to change?

Change is hard for anyone, whether addiction is present or not. Often times we may ask, Why can’t they just change? Why can’t they just go to a meeting? Why can’t they just stop using? And when we look at ourselves and try to make changes within and ask for help, we may realize that it’s harder than we think.

I think what might help people seek help sooner is making them aware that helping yourself is an important part of helping others. Normalizing mental health as just another part of staying healthy - like going to the doctor and exercising. Changing the conversation around things like therapy, counseling, and support groups. I think we’re getting there, especially after the pandemic really put mental health at the forefront for everyone.

#32

When you are drowning in your attempt to save your addicted loved one. You are so wrapped in fear, chaos, and grief that it becomes very difficult to get or see the need for help for yourself. You are so focused on helping the addict get help, you get lost in the “storm”.

I started counseling and this group in the same week. So for me, I had finally reached that point where I finally reached out for help. That point came right after my daughter’s overdose. I believe that was my tipping point where I felt help was all that I had left to try that I had not tried on my own.

Plus, I had lost my support network. My family, my husband, and my friend had grown tired of how my daughter’s addiction was hurting me. They no longer had anything positive to offer, and had no more idea what to do than I did. They finally walked away from the situation and I could not. So I finally reached out in need of help and support. I hit bottom!

#14

First time it was more of an ultimatum in order for us to get back together. So he did an outpatient treatment (for his alcohol abuse). He was doing great for a little while and then drinking behind my back started again and all the lies and manipulations, it all led to heroin abuse. We eventually separated and after he ODed I stopped communicating until he reached out. He seems now much more reasonable and he is looking into treatment options and reaching out for help on his own.
I think there were two major things that were a wake up call for him: his 10 year old daughter found him when he ODed and me and his brother stopped communicating with him after the fact.
Fingers crossed that he stays on the right path!