Why would my bf leave 5 months into recovery?



I am struggling with my emotions today. I reconnected with my bf when he was 2 weeks into sobriety, around 5 months ago. At the start, I didn’t know he was an alcoholic, he told me he just didn’t drink for health reasons. After a couple months he was honest about how bad his problem was. I have been supportive, even through mood swings and extreme anxiety that he faced. He told me he loved me and often said he thinks we are perfect for eachother. I felt the same for first time in my life. He has now decided he can’t be in a relationship and said its not personal, just needs to focus on recovery. This is very hard to take when I have been there for him through all of it. Is it possible, he will come back after he feels better or should I just let it go?


@Emily778. My heart goes out to you as this is so painfully confusing. I hear you saying how supportive you have been through his journey, and it sounds like that has had some very challenging moments. I acknowledge you for your commitment.
While I would want answers and understanding to, that may not come at this point. Sobriety is an extremely difficult and time consuming process and I trust that your bf is the best expert on his life in regards to what he needs.
I hear you saying that your bf told you it’s not personal. What would it look like if you respected his voice and realized it’s not you or anything you did/didn’t do?
I get that is easier said than done, but in my experience if there is an issue it will be brought up.
Can I ask how your self care is going? Are you the girl of fun and light I imagine you were when you started dating?
Above all YOU deserve to live your best life and to feel incredibly happy. If he cares for you, seeing you happy will bring him joy.
Wishing you peace throughout the journey. Hang in there!


Hi @Emily778- I understand from your post that you are hurting and that’ a drag. Sorry.
I don’t know, but when some people go through recovery for a substance afterward is when they struggle with their more complex issues. The drug or the drink has been an invisibility cloak for them NOT to look at their trauma. Or Not to look at their hedonism. Or Not to be a fully self-sufficient honorable my-fair-share kind of person. Who knows? Like @rltybites suggests, maybe it isn’t you at all and maybe you two can settle down and continue in a different way- or maybe not.

Recovery includes all sorts of dimensions., and it is a little bit of a rollercoaster- so focus on the here and now and Best of luck, and trust your gut.:beetle:


It has certainly been challenging for the beginning of a relationship. I’m at a point where it all just whirs around in my head. Did he actually love me or was I just filling some sort of void? I’m just wondering whether I should give up completely and move on with my life or keep in contact?